Ew. I hate taking this long between updates, but I get in a spot where I sense that I haven't done anything, and writing about doing nothing is worse than not writing at all, and, "ehhh, nobody missed it the last few weeks when I didn't write; why would they this week?"

I'm back on the tournament grind with backing. My Sunday was fairly disastrous but I'm going to keep grinding and pull out of it. I still have lots of problems with my mental approach, and feel like I'm pressured to make money instead of just relaxing and having fun. When it isn't fun anymore, it's lost.

I'm pretty sleepy right now. Perhaps tomorrow I'll have more detail as to what I've been doing lately.

Wednesday night I took 2/1908 in the Stars 27.50 for $5400. Call it luck, coincidence, timing, what you will, but it was a fortuitous endeavor and another reminder I do have what it takes. It's easy to doubt until you go back out there and actually pull a good score in.

I have a good offer for backing on the table and I've got to talk to him about it today. I'm weighing the pros and cons of being able to jump up right now and play a full schedule vs. the disciplined managing of my roll.

Just gotta keep working. Effort and time make good things happen.

Ugh, I'd been thinking about writing something recently but I didn't realize I'd gone so long without a new entry.

I'm back on the low-stakes grind. Couple weeks ago I nailed down an actual win-- just a $16.50 / 360-man for $1350, but still. A win on my own money under my own power is a good sign for my bankroll rebuilding. Unfortunately circumstances and obligations have kept me from grinding as much as I'd like. Had to roll out to weddings, to see family, long-lost friends, and the like.

I'm in Austin, and I spent my Sunday grinding with apestyles, who's a buddy of mine and much better at this thing than I am. I put in a long and draining (and ultimately frustrating-- a 7th, and 8th, and two 9ths) session-- still showed a small profit, so I can't complain too much, but I've got that insatiable itch of "If I just got a break here and there I'd have made ten times what I actually made" eating at me.

In other words, an extremely typical mental reaction from a guy who's been grinding long enough to know better.

I was happy for the session, though, because I'd started to doubt myself recently. Playing with someone good, talking over hands and situations constantly, addressing how we each think about the game and what we're doing right or wrong... it's both important to do to keep mentally sharp, as well as to confirm that I still know what I'm doing, that I can play this game.

I was trying to find a backer for a while, but my efforts have proven largely unsuccessful. I think I have enough of a roll to rebuild from, though, so I'm not too worried about it. It does mean I have to put in lots of grind time this month to get my roll back in shape.

FTOPS is starting soon, and I'm planning to sell pieces of that. I'll look at the schedule later today and start contacting people. I'm basically trying to get a 70/30 deal for a short series, which is great for backers, and for me, gives me a chance at a healthy chunk of change that I wouldn't have otherwise.

Gonna keep grinding this month. It used to be so easy when I was younger; now I have to make myself sit down and play in a way I didn't before. Oh, and I have to make myself not spend money. Personal fiscal responsibility is a pretty big part of bankroll management, after all.

Still trying to get more money online. Don't have much now, so I've stuck my toes in low stakes MTT SnGs to get warm until I do. I'm also trying to hold down variance; I need to make a steady climb until I finally push past that tipping point where I'm easily clearing expenses and can take a couple of risks to grow my bankroll.

One step at a time. I can get back to the top; it's just gonna take some real work. "Since I left, ain't too much changed."

Put in a brutal session at the Isle earlier this week. My play got sloppy and I also got in a $1400 pot with the best of it and lost.

I'm taking a break from the game to clear up some other things in my life that have been on my mind. I have to do this if I'm to be clear-headed and focused in my work. I'll be back.