And a diamond is just a lump of coal until it's been under pressure.

And other platitudes to make me feel better about the frustration of the last few days.

I've been trying to put in lots of volume, both to rebuild my online bankroll and to prepare myself for Vegas. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of close-but-no-cigar chances at scores-- slight cashes, money bubbles, and the like-- and even the occasional final table doesn't quite pan out. Tonight I finished 6th in the Stars $22r for $1600, which put me at +600 on the day-- which does beat losing, but it's a far cry from the big score I could have used.

I busted many things in painful fashion as well-- getting outdrawn, losing races, and being victimized by the Timex theorem more than once (essentially, your opponent always has the weakest hand possible that dominates yours). Just seemed like a day where I couldn't make the right decision in any close spot.

Of course, it was still a winning day, so it really wasn't even that bad, all in all. And yet, I complain. I'm my harshest critic and own worst enemy.

I need to find a way to keep my cool about poker. I can't do it consistently right now, and that bothers me, because it only makes me play worse and stay stressed and miserable and hate the game. Every time I think I've learned something about staying humble and patient, calm and levelheaded, I'm tested even more.

At this rate I'll be able to survive the end of the world. But it'd be nice to win a tournament first.

I'm taking tomorrow off; I've put in about 20 hours the last three days, and I could use the break, and some more time with my friends.

So I decided to give it a full Sunday schedule today. Started at 1 PM (Central) with the $109r on Stars and the $240 knockout/warmup/I'm-not-sure-what-they-call-it on Full Tilt, and just ended with a 7th-place finish in the afternoon 11r-- I came in 3rd in chips and proceeded to lose all three pots I played.

So with that and a 150-something finish in the million as my only cashes on the day, I can call my day disappointing-- holding the promise of bigger paydays only to leave me short yet again-- but at the same time, I have reason to feel positive about my play. I avoided major mistakes and got value in good spots, and evaluated situations accurately (or at least I felt that way in retrospect). I also started noticing mistakes I was making as I played, and I think I did a good job of plugging them as I went along. This says good things about both my ability to objectively evaluate my play and to keep focused for long periods of time. I feel like it will get better the more I play-- which is good because I'll be spending the next month or so warming up for the WSOP.

Not much else to report at this time. I'll be putting in more and more volume as the month goes on so hopefully something good (both writingwise and in terms of cash money.)

Well, April has been, among other things, hectic and bizarre, so if you're wondering why I haven't written in a long time, you'll have your answer soon.

The end of March and early April was spent locating and moving into our new house. The short version of this story is that I've been looking to settle back into Houston for a few months now-- I've had no real permanent home for a long while, and wanted a day-to-day life that was more stable and where I spent more time with my friends. With some luck and some work, I landed a house I had my eye on and moved in with a couple of friends. It's beautiful, in my part of town, and not too expensive (although furnishing it hasn't been particularly cheap).

Of course, this would be taking up enough of my time until now weren't it also for the series of absurd events I encountered. I got two flat tires after I returned from Seattle, and then I had a week where, in succession, my laptop was stolen, I was hit by a car while on foot, and I got a third flat tire.

I'm okay. (I weather storms well.) But I haven't had time for anything, and unfortunately, "anything" included playing the Five Star and WPT Championship at Bellagio. I had to cancel those plans; I'm going to have to wait until the World Series to play live again, probably. Too much to do and not enough time (not to mention I would have needed a few days of rest for my body and mind before going out there). In the meantime, I expect to play online and spend more of my free time working on a couple of poker-related projects. (There's always something on my plate, and I never have time to finish it all. I'm the guy who goes to buffets and accidentally gets three times more than he can eat because it all looks so good.)

I've dabbled in a little online play the last couple of weeks but haven't gotten back to seriously playing. That'll change once I finish setting up the new house and my office area. How domestic of me.

So my vacation from poker is about to come to an end. I'm currently in Seattle, where I've been hanging out with my cousin the last few days. (I went to visit some other people, see some shows, and clear my head a little, and when I remembered she was here, I got in touch with her.) It's been great-- she and I haven't gotten to spend much time in close proximity over the years, but we've always been close, and as we've gotten older we've stayed surprisingly similar. Being around family who are like you, where you can relax and be yourself and be loved and accepted, is exactly the sort of thing I needed to get centered before tournament time.

Speaking of tournament time: I'll be spending the next few days in Houston, seeing friends, and more importantly looking for a new place to live. I haven't had one in a while now-- which isn't as bad as it sounds; I spend more time around my friends and other people this way, but even so, it's imposing and/or expensive-- and I'm gonna try to land something with a friend that we can call home for the next year or so. That's also when I'll be making my final preparations for Las Vegas.

I decided to go straight to Bellagio and play the entire Five Star Classic (including the WPT Championship). Even though the 10k event at Foxwoods will be excellent, the back-and-forth travel would, I feel, eventually prove exhausting. And I'm personally disappointed that I'll miss Quinn and Noah and Brown Spring Weekend, but I've seen most of the acts already (M.I.A. once, Girl Talk twice, and Vampire Weekend on Wednesday), and this is the situation where I really need to keep business and pleasure separate. It's too hard to just switch the mindset back and forth-- establishing a good routine, staying focus and clear and level during the tournaments, is the priority here.

So I'm going to try to play all 12 preliminary events and the main. I say "try" because I still don't have a long-term backer; I've been raising the money in parts. I've got a couple of people onboard already, and I've posted in the 2+2 Marketplace. I have a few more people I could and should ask; I just hate asking for money in any context, even one like this where it's totally standard. I always feel like I'm begging or hitting them up for money, even though I'm really offering them a situation where I stand to make them even more. But I need to just nut up and do that; business is business, and the series is fast approaching.

Lucked into a room at Bellagio thanks to JPOSU (Jason Potter, who just finished 4th at WPT Reno today). So I have a room and I've scheduled time to rest my head and get back to thinking about poker before I get there. If I can raise the rest of the money and find a routine to establish to stay healthy (eating right, regular real exercise, and sunlight are musts), we'll really have something here.

Otherwise, T.S. will have been right once again.

Sigh. I just wrote a really long entry detailing my upcoming plans and lost it when I had to re-log in. Note to self, write long entries in a Word document first. Here's another go, albeit shorter and more succinct:

So I apologize for not writing sooner-- time has, indeed, been flying. I haven't been doing anything poker-related; in fact, the last week has been a complete party, which would be irresponsible if I hadn't budgeted my schedule for it well in advance of the LAPC.

I'm going home for a few days, though, to rest, relax, and see my family. After that, I'm hitting the road again.

First comes the last leg of my vacation: I'll be in Seattle; I need to visit a few people there, and I found a couple of good concerts to go to as well. I've never been, and I'm pretty excited.

After that comes business. I've got to start planning for it and finding the backing, but I intend to go to WPT Foxwoods in April, and possibly the WPT Championship afterward, if I'm playing well and feel like I should (can) stay out on the road.

After that there won't be any live poker until the WSOP, but I want to use some of that time to set up some non-playing poker-related ventures, which an awkward way to phrase "coaching, videos, and writing strategy articles". I think I'd be pretty good at all of those, and I'll have the time to set them up right; not to mention, keeping involved will keep me mentally sharp until the Series.

It'll probably just start out from here, but I'd like to get an article or two published somewhere, and get the coaching and videos to bring in some income (obviously).

But that's down the road. Right now, I need some rest. After that comes the visit home, more rest, and the business-side planning for Foxwoods and Bellagio.