And a diamond is just a lump of coal until it's been under pressure.

And other platitudes to make me feel better about the frustration of the last few days.

I've been trying to put in lots of volume, both to rebuild my online bankroll and to prepare myself for Vegas. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of close-but-no-cigar chances at scores-- slight cashes, money bubbles, and the like-- and even the occasional final table doesn't quite pan out. Tonight I finished 6th in the Stars $22r for $1600, which put me at +600 on the day-- which does beat losing, but it's a far cry from the big score I could have used.

I busted many things in painful fashion as well-- getting outdrawn, losing races, and being victimized by the Timex theorem more than once (essentially, your opponent always has the weakest hand possible that dominates yours). Just seemed like a day where I couldn't make the right decision in any close spot.

Of course, it was still a winning day, so it really wasn't even that bad, all in all. And yet, I complain. I'm my harshest critic and own worst enemy.

I need to find a way to keep my cool about poker. I can't do it consistently right now, and that bothers me, because it only makes me play worse and stay stressed and miserable and hate the game. Every time I think I've learned something about staying humble and patient, calm and levelheaded, I'm tested even more.

At this rate I'll be able to survive the end of the world. But it'd be nice to win a tournament first.

I'm taking tomorrow off; I've put in about 20 hours the last three days, and I could use the break, and some more time with my friends.

So I decided to give it a full Sunday schedule today. Started at 1 PM (Central) with the $109r on Stars and the $240 knockout/warmup/I'm-not-sure-what-they-call-it on Full Tilt, and just ended with a 7th-place finish in the afternoon 11r-- I came in 3rd in chips and proceeded to lose all three pots I played.

So with that and a 150-something finish in the million as my only cashes on the day, I can call my day disappointing-- holding the promise of bigger paydays only to leave me short yet again-- but at the same time, I have reason to feel positive about my play. I avoided major mistakes and got value in good spots, and evaluated situations accurately (or at least I felt that way in retrospect). I also started noticing mistakes I was making as I played, and I think I did a good job of plugging them as I went along. This says good things about both my ability to objectively evaluate my play and to keep focused for long periods of time. I feel like it will get better the more I play-- which is good because I'll be spending the next month or so warming up for the WSOP.

Not much else to report at this time. I'll be putting in more and more volume as the month goes on so hopefully something good (both writingwise and in terms of cash money.)

I won my first pot at showdown of the entire tournament at the 200/400/50 level. Then the next level I screwed up PF when gbecks opened 1800 in the CO and Fred Goldberg called the button. I had 66 in the BB and should have made it 7800 like my first instinct told me to; instead I flat called. Led 4k on a 432cc flop and gbecks called; when he shoved 2x pot on the 9d turn I thought it through and decided some sort of combo draw was his most likely hand and called. No, he had A5. The 6 turn just added insult to injury.

Just another painful reminder that one mistake is all it takes.

I'll probably play some cash for the next few days and then take off. Lingering around after a bustout is no fun.

edit: I had about 25k on my bustout hand.

I have 16,300 chips. I would very much like to have more but Michael Mizrachi runs like god against me postflop. To wit:

(all of these hands happened after the dinner break)

100/200/25. Nam Le limps in EP, another guy limps, I limp 74hh two off the button, SB completes, Grinder checks the BB. Flop is Q62 with two hearts. Grinder bets 625, I call, SB calls. Turn is 5h. Checks to me and I bet 1700. Only Grinder calls, and when the 9h hits the river he donks out 2k or so. sigh. I just fold, although maybe I should have bluff-raised. My hand isn't good anymore, anyway.

150/300/50. Grinder limps UTG, two off the button limps, I have KK on the button (side note, the first time I've picked up kings this entire trip) and make it 1700. Grinder calls and other limper folds. Flop comes Ah9h9x. Grinder donks 2500. Sigh. In frustration I call to see if he'll fire the turn. He shoves in his last 7500 or so on a 3h turn and even if I have "nut" outs I can't really fade that.

Later on, he limps, couple more limpers, I check KTo in the BB. Flop comes K72 with two clubs. I check because Grinder's always betting here; he bets 700, all fold, I call. Turn 4c and I lead 1600 (partly for value and partly to shut down action now that the board's getting scary). He thinks for a little while and calls. River is the 5c. Awesome. I wonder about bluffing here, but I have no idea how light he's willing to call me down. So I check, he thinks and checks and tables 42hh. Sweet.

I didn't pick up too many big hands, and every time I did I either won the blinds or got cracked. Here are the only other two interesting "big hands" I had.

25/50 still-- I pick up red QQ UTG and make it 200. UTG+1 calls; BB (by now the clear fish at the table) makes it 600. Yeah, looks like we're playing for a set here. I call and so does UTG+1. Flop is T97 with two diamonds and the BB leads for 2000. I drop it like it's hot; obviously he shows aces after the hand.

Now later at 150/300/50, two to my right limps and I try to make it 1300 with AQhh but grab a 500 chip instead of a 1k so it's only 800. Grinder makes it 2600 from the SB and my plan there is to just call and shove a lot of flops. Then the limper makes it something like 7500 cold. (This is the third time he's limp-reraised.) Now it's clear fold; Grinder also folds and the limper shows 33. He tells Grinder "I thought you were making a move because his raise was weak." Sigh. Who the hell knows what happens there if I make a normal raise.

I'm really tired right now. Every other tournament has started at 3:30 PM and played until 3:30 AM, which meant, despite the fact that I was getting up regularly between 10 and 11 Central time before I came here, I'm now suddenly on a 6 AM - 2 PM sleep schedule. And then they spring a 12:30 start on us. At least I registered the night before so I didn't have to get up early to do so, but I still got maybe 5 hours of sleep.

At least we only played five levels. And I didn't make any horrible mistakes. Gonna just rest tonight and come back refreshed tomorrow, hopefully with a better table draw. And running better.

Also, today was the first time I actually ate food on my dinner break, and I managed to drop 35% of my stack afterward (in just under two levels). I'm never eating dinner again. (I didn't even eat anything heavy or get sluggish. Food just makes me run bad.)

as much as i want to win i really can't complain about cashing for 80k. michael binger won and he played well so i can't fault that. it unfortunately for me came down to two big hands where i lost AK < JJ and AT < KQ and thus went from a 2:1 CL to out.

i'm not sure if i have any specific exciting stories; the name of my game was more or less "stay patient and focused and whenever you find aces someone else will pick up a hand too". i did make some clutch resteals in the late game (12-9 players) where i seem to have inadvertently folded a better hand a couple of times.

maybe tomorrow i'll have more. i'm too tired to put together a coherent narrative (or use the shift key). i'm going to take friday off and get myself physically and mentally sharp for the main event.