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”Lake, they showed!”

True to their word, Bond18 and BondGirl landed at the Fresno/Yosemite International Airport for their scheduled visit to Club One Casino. I wasn’t sure they’d make it out after the heady combo of Bond’s win in the Bellagio $3k and Watts’ $15k Bellagio Cup triumph. In my experience, after a big score, poker players and appointments are a poor match. A good rule of thumb is if you have the player in your car moving at highway speeds, you’re in good shape. Other than that, you should manage your expectations.

I was therefore congratulating myself, when shortly after 6p, I was at the wheel of the Club One minivan headed toward downtown Fresno with Bond, BGirl and their gear packed in back. The ride was uneventful other than the shame of the van itself and my sketchy driving.

The sporty Club One van



”Oh. Cool.”

After checking them in at the hotel, I took Bond to get his hair cut at a local place I knew around the corner in building under renovation. He showed no open concern en route, but I’m sure he thought I was taking him to some meth head’s place for some quick razor work. When the automatic doors opened to reveal local uber-stylist George Garcia’s chic, minimalist Loft salon, I could tell he was somewhat relieved to see something other than a squatter with a pair of rusty scissors.

I picked him up, newly shorn, 30 minutes later, loaded BondGirl and Su, our player relations rep (aka BlackWidow), into the van and headed to dinner at MaRoo, a local Korean and Japanese restaurant for some barbecue beef, sushi and sake. The food and drink was apparently to their liking and we headed back to the casino.

After a brief tour (“That’s the bar. That’s the poker room.”), Bond and I took seats in our 2/5 NL game which was characterized by multiple in the dark shoves. I thought for sure this game would make a great first impression, but once we sat down it turned weak-tight nitfest, wobbled for a few orbits and fell apart. Fortunately, there were enough players on our 15/30 waiting list to build another table from the stragglers.

For you NL players who scoff at limit, take it from an insider—you should dabble in these games, especially if they’re sporting a full kill. Our 15/30 full kill is a predictable, heavy action game characterized by ill-timed bluffs, missed value bets and horrible full kill hand selection. I can’t say for sure, but I’m guessing that pretty much standard throughout California. If you’re ever in our room, you should shove your ego aside and take a seat. It’s a proven bankroll builder.

Cue the Asian women drinking

We played a few rounds of min-bet, finishing up slightly, and headed into the bar to check on BondGirl’s whereabouts. At MaRoo, I thought I heard Bond & Girl suggest that she was a bit of a lightweight. I either misheard them or they calibrate to some sort of Aussie scale. From eyewitness reports and security footage, once in our bar, BondGirl demanded a round of lewd shots and challenged our hostess staff to keep pace.

BondGirl. Oh my.



By the time Bond and I found them, she, Su and LakeofFire’s wife were engaged full on bar warfare and shrieked another profane order to our bartender. A true professional, he responded by serving them another array of lurid drinks and added them to my open tab. BondGirl then proceeded to go through them like Evian and leave Su and Lake’s girl on the verge of blacking out.

Heads up!



We attempted to restore order, but there’s only so much two guys can do when faced with an entire bar of crazies amped up on Fuzzy Navels, Buttery Nipples, BlowJobs, Cowboy Cocksuckers and the like. I ordered a Jack Daniels and made a silent plea that last call would arrive before Fresno PD. It did and the evening ended without any urgent calls to 911 or defense counsel.

Bond brokers the peace



Tournament players, there’s a bounty on them youngsters!”

Saturday started on a tame note. I took B&G to local day spa and Pangea, a fusion food spot in a high end mall nearby. After an afternoon of relaxing, B&G volunteered to “donk it up” in our $55 buy-in nightly and show off his Bellagio bracelet to the locals.

Nice hardware



For a live room, our tournament structure is pretty good. We start guys with 100BB and run 15-minute levels. Both B&G are hugely +EV to our typical field, so I tossed a $50 bounty on each of their heads to eliminate any fold equity they might have. For added fun, I threw some Bud Light Party Cruise girls at him to see if I could spark BondGirl into marking her territory.

"What's your M?"



Although BG ran ahead of Bond for more of the event, she was finally taken out by a former Mrs. California who’s also a Club One tournament regular. In the hottie v. hottie flip, BondGirl came up just short and headed back to the bar to repair her ego with our hostesses.

"Thanks for the bounty, Edmond"



For his part, Bond final-tabled but was bounced out in 10th when his 8 BB EP pre-flop shove with JJ was insta-called by KQs. Q on the flop and Bond was out with $103 to show for his $55 buy-ins and four hours of donkamentia. We had reservations at a couple of nice restaurants, but he ran just late enough where we’d never make closing time so it was back to our restaurant for steak and some Cakebread cabernet.

Fight Night

At dinner, I asked him point blank if Fresno was the least glamorous spot on his Around the World in 90 days tour, a jaunt that included Venice, Paris, Vegas, Barcelona and Istanbul. “No, I’d say Milwaukee was worse.” What? That city is known for beer, has several pro sports franchises and a statue of Fonzie under construction. I consider this a huge victory.

Bond spent a little time chatting with local UFC Fighter and Club One favorite son, Jason “LiveWire” Von Flue and his girlfriend who showed up in the bar for the Anderson Silva demolition of James Irwin. Our bar crowd was clearly disappointed at the 61-second fight. Fortunately, the multiple replays of various UFC knockouts extended the beat-down and satisfied the crowd’s bloodlust.

"Girls, I can kick your butts."



”And there’s no tenderness, like before, in your fingertips.”

As with most evenings at Club One, once the alcohol takes full effect, someone drags out our karaoke setup. This evening would prove no different and Bond was clearly anxious to work the mike.

One reader asked for a video of Bond singing “Never Gonna Give You Up” –the Grail of all Rick Roll videos. Bah, not in the playlist. We do have nice video footage of a duet of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” (on which we scored 98) and Blue Suede Shoes (on which he scored 95 solo). There’s also a nice vid of us singing Kokomo substituting Fresno for Kokomo. Ship the MTV music award to Club One Casino, attn: me.

Guess which one of us knows the lyrics



Not the man I used to be

I got up this morning and staggered to the bathroom. A word of advice. Over the age of 40, don’t attempt to run a casino 18 hours a day and drink the other 6. Early in my career, I bounce of bed like I’d just slid into second base with the game-winning double. Now every morning feels like I’m struggling off the field with heat exhaustion.

While I spent the morning in the gym alternating between the treadmill and the men’s room, Bond spent the day in my office multi-tabling, writing and listening to hip hop. The rest of my day was spent writing and cleaning up things before I heading back to LA in the morning. I’ll pick up dry-cleaning, run a few errands and return by 10:30 to see The Dark Knight on Imax with Bond & Co. and hope nothing felonious happens before a scheduled visit from regulators on Tuesday.

Edmond