I love Indian food. Since getting back to Melbourne I hadn’t found a regular place for my occasional Indian cravings, so I looked up Indian restaurant listings at www.yourrestaurants.com.au. I looked for the highest rated Indian places and found the place I’d seen while walking through downtown to be listed the highest, Gaylord Indian Restaurant. As I looked over the page I saw there was one customer review for the restaurant. It read as follows:
Not worth the effort
Located in the middle of the Melbourne CBD, this establishment seems to turn up its nose if you aren't in a suit. From the 6 requests for a jug of water before one came, and the derisive tone of the waiters, you could be forgiven for thinking they were in the business of trying to get you to leave.

The food itself was quite average, and for the cost is nothing to get excited about. The decor, like the restaurant itself looks good from afar, but on a closer inspection is quite tacky.

I'm sure it's reasonable if you look like you're worth a bundle, but forget it if you want a nice place to relax with friends.

Given that the ratings on the site were excellent however, and it was one of the easiest to get to in the area, I went to try it anyway. It was awesome. The food was great and plenty, the servers were polite and attentive, and the prices were beyond reasonable for a restaurant in downtown Melbourne. I decided I would write my own review in reaction to this clear life nits piece of shit, blasphemous article. Here is how my review, now posted on the site, reads:

Vinnie84 is a lying POS.
This excellent establishment, situated in Melbourne CBD, is totally fucking awesome. Nobody in the entire restaurant was wearing a suit, not even me with my propensity for wearing finely tailored suits that make me look more handsome than Dorian Gray.

I was brought water immediately by using an old restaurant trick called ASKING FOR IT. The waiters were by no means impolite or snobbish, what the previous moronic poster failed to realize is that a good portion of the staff does not have English as their first language and therefore are fairly brief with words in order to prevent confusion.

It seems clear to me that the previous poster was to self absorbed to realize such an obvious circumstance, likely leaning back in his chair and thinking to himself about that one and only time he had sex 27 years ago. I imagine when the waiter asked him if he would like some water in his subtle accent, Vinnie84 instead demanded that he “bring me the god damn hard stuff! I’ve got some forgetting to do.” After downing three fifths his bottle he began attempting to request water but in his drunken stupor was only capable of mumbling “Bringha me… bring me soma that’s clearish stuff!” The poor waiter, assuming he was asking for more vodka despite not having finished the previous bottle instead took the responsible route and refused him further service. After several screaming demands the waiter decided he’d better bring the man some water in hopes of preventing a case of alcohol poisoning in the restaurant.

When the waiter finally brought out Vinnie84’s dinner he was by far to inebriated to be able to taste it, and considering the horrible taste that the recollections of his droll, misspent life left in his mind, it’s no wonder the vileness spread to his taste buds.

As for the claim that the cost was ‘nothing to get excited about’, this is a blatant lie that makes it clear to me that Vinnie84 spends most of his dinners paying 50 cents to make the other bums eating out of the McDonalds trash get lost.

Most amusing in the previous review is the line “..but forget it if you want a nice place to relax with friends.” This portion of the review is clearly the most betraying, since I think we all know Vinnie84’s only friends exist in his head.

In conclusion Gaylord Indian Restaurant serves great Indian food with a staff that is high on efficiency and low on small talk. The prices are totally reasonable for the quantity and quality of food you get, and the food gets to you quickly. Also, Vinnie84 is a huge tool who cries himself to sleep.

All of this can be viewed via this link:
http://www.yourrestaurants.com.au/guide/gaylord_indian_restaurant/?count_view=no

TwoRagsStaff says

Would anyone really take a review of an Indian restaurant in Melbourne by a poster named Vinnie seriously? Nice beat down, regardless, and fine reference to Dorian Gray, sir!

10/03/07

Anonymous says

I'm in... can you book a table for Friday night? How about 7:30pm for 4 people/

10/04/07

Anonymous says

The bastards changed your review!

10/30/07

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