Just to prove it’s all about how you spin things let’s take a look at the reasons why live poker is vastly superior to online:

1. Social interaction:

a. Live poker: Has real flesh and blood people. You can look at them, hear them, smell them, and touch them; though purposely and blatantly attempting the last two may lead to many awkward situations. You’ll meet people from all walks of life at the table and can make friendships that’ll last a life time, but most of all you’ll witness some truly hilarious interactions.

b. Online poker: Where all your friends and peers are the same little flashing box on whatever instant messaging system you prefer and the closest thing you have to interaction at work is a 30 second conversation with the delivery man from the Indian place.

2. Non poker players acceptance:

a. Live poker: Tell normal people you play live poker for a living, often traveling to interesting and foreign locations, and their eyes will light up and say something like “Wow! I’ve seen that stuff on ESPN! That’s so incredible! So…have you ever been on TV? What’s the coolest place you’ve played poker? Can I get you a beer or something?”

b. Online poker: Tell those same normal people you play online poker for a living, at home in front of your computer, and you’ll get awesome responses like “Huh…all you do is sit home all day and play games on your computer? Isn’t that unemployment?” or “Yea but that’s all play money right?” or everyone’s favorite “So you won a bunch of money online playing cards? But wait…how much did you lose?”

3. Proof of accomplishment:

a. Live poker: Win a major live tournament and you’ll get a physical memento that will last forever proving that once upon a time, you took down a big one. Perhaps you’ll win a WSOP bracelet, the second most desired piece of jewelry in poker behind an engagement ring from Patrick Antonius:

<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=patrick-antonius-cash-game2.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/patrick-antonius-cash-game2.jpg" border="0" alt="Antonius"></a>
[I]“Will you spend the rest of your life with me, looking and feeling considerably less perfect by comparison?” [/I]

Or perhaps you’ll win an EPT trophy, a giant cup that will rest on your mantel at home and remind everyone of your skills:
<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=gavwin.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/gavwin.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
[I]“Somebody get a **** ton of vodka and redbull, we’re all gettin’ wasted outta this ****er!”[/I]

Or maybe you’ll win a crystal APPT trophy, proof that either you’re number one, or that the APPT has just as much phallus as any other poker tour, if not more:

<a href="http://s173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/?action=view¤t=grant-735424.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w63/Bond18/grant-735424.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
[I]“I’m Grant Levy, and I like to think it’s the former.” [/I]

Or if you can come up with $10,000 despite the economy you have a shot at the ever alluring WPT plaque:


[I]“Actually Amanda I’m going to hang it up in my office like people do with their diplomas, except mine will represent that I made more money in a week than they will in their entire post graduate career . Thoughts like that get me through the day, you know?”[/I]

b. Online poker: If you win a major tournament like the FTOPS you’ll win an avatar that immediately informs everyone on your table that you’re a winning tournament player. If you win a WCOOP event you’ll get a small golden bracelet that you can show off to people but then have them ask “So you got that playing online poker? But wait, how much did you lose trying to get it?”

4. Prize money:

a. Live poker: There are more tournaments with a seven figure first prize a year than I care to count. Even regional tournaments and preliminary tournaments for other major events get considerable six figure firsts. Win one of these and you can buy a house.

b. Online poker: You have a shot at seven figures about once a year and just a couple shots at six figures per week. Given the way the Stars payout structures are heading, I imagine it’ll be one in no time. Most major nightly tournaments have a maximum first prize of about $25,000, though some go over. Win one of these and it’s enough to eliminate 25% of your make up with Bax and Sheets.

5. The food:

a. Live poker: Many casinos where major tournaments are held are host to some of the finest restaurants in the world. Every major casino in Las Vegas is packed with restaurant options and even in card rooms that don’t have their own restaurants are likely located in a central area with many near by quality restaurants.

b. Online poker: Has delivery food or whatever you can prepare during your 60 second time bank. Enjoy your Ramen.

6. The sponsorships:

a. Live poker: Win a major live tournament and you have a shot at a sponsorship contract, meaning you’ll get paid to do what you were going to do free anyway and possibly become a big name in poker.

b. Online poker: Win a major online tournament and nobody will have a ****ing clue what you did because you’re screen name is an assembly of random words and numbers.

7. The stories:

a. Live poker: Remember the time you and all your buddies went to Treasure Island and Psyduck got way too wasted and puked all over the table? Oh man that was so epic!

b. Online poker: Remember that time…..you sat home alone all day and nothing happened?

8. The breaks:

a. Live poker: Has 10-20 minute breaks every two hours so people can get their pisses, cigarettes, and joints in at a leisurely pace.

b. Online poker: Doesn’t have synchronized breaks, making them entirely useless and has you attempting to multi task all your responsibilities. That means you’ve got a cigarette in one hand, a joint in the other, and no hands left to control the aim of your urine. If I had a nickel for every time…

9. The cheating:

a. Live poker: Has a few guys trying to mark cards and Men the Master having his horses collude with him so he has more chips to play terrible with. Very scary.

b. Online poker: Has people who see your ****ing hole cards and take you for millions, big name tournament sharks buying stacks deep in tournaments, God knows how many multi accounters, and site sponsored pros creating new aliases so they can play with an anonymous edge at the highest cash games. At least I feel safe at micro stakes SNG’s on Stars.

10. The locations:

a. Live poker: Has Vegas, Monte Carlo, London, Paris, Melbourne, Sydney, Seoul, Rio, San Jose, and the Bahamas, the kind of locations people dream for years about visiting.

b. Online poker: Has your house, every single day, over and over. But hey at least you have your Xbox at home, which is more than can be said for those other holes.

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