In no particular order, but maybe I'll make a top 10 list out of this someday!

1)"AK is a drawing hand". I've never met anyone that took this phrase seriously who has won any money at poker and I'm pretty sure I never will.

2)"I raise to find out where I am". Could you possibly find out where you are without (usually) lighting a PSB on fire? Probably. Are you guaranteed to use that information properly once you get it? Nope. Can you strategically use this phrase in a liveament to greatly alter your image as seen by the guy to your left? Definitely!

3)"I put him on AK."
3a)"I put him on two overs."
3b)"I put him on AA."

Fortunately, I found a great way to always put myself on AA, too. All I had to do was go to the PokerStars directory on my hard drive and replace every card graphic with an ace. Now I get aces every hand!

4)"[Insert site here] is rigged/has action flops/something something random number generator something"

I helped uncover a cheating scandal, but rest assured, I'm still laughing at you. However, all is not lost: buy this book and read it cover to cover three or four times. If you still believe it after this, your personality type is probably wrong for poker*.

*this does not prevent me from ironically whining about my terrible run on AIM*
**also, equally ironically, the rumor is the guy that wrote it is now busto, too

5)"I fold and wait for a better spot"

This tournament-exclusive term is one of the main reasons why cash game players laugh at us. It's not technically wrong on its own, but since it's usually used as a justification to not see a showdown after putting in 1/3 of your chips as a nice favorite vs. his range, odds are that you're doing it wrong.

Feel free to toss in more submissions in the comments :)

The good thing about April from my POV is that it's not March. I think last month was my worst month ever tournament-wise, largely due to being down something like 15K to 20K in EV (which is itself related to a whole lot of "final 2 tabling".) The less said about it, the better, which brings us to my April goal: either stop running bad or put in some hands of HU cash and join the rest of my friends at putting up psychotically high winrates. HU is the last untapped frontier about which nothing is written down, and the PT graphs show it...but I've always liked tournaments, to the point where I've probably given up some EV by playing them. I'm sure I'll resolve that conflict eventually; thus far, whenever I'm almost fed up enough to go play cash for a couple of months, I wind up winning something big and stop caring, but I guess I'm due for a really extended downswing eventually.

60 Minutes = probably happening (at least, my segment is definitely getting shot). Whether it actually does air depends on a couple of things outside my control and I have no idea when it'll be if it does - hopefully before June, since at that point everyone will be in Vegas and way too busy going into makeup to watch TV.

Finally, I recognize I haven't been updating as much as usual - this has to do with there simply not being much worth reporting. As final 2 tabling something for me these days is basically a frustrating event (I remember the days when that used to be awesome...on the other hand, my BR was roughly 100x smaller then, so it evens out), I basically have to shrug it off, which I do by playing random video games and chilling out. That, in turn, leads to a lot of boring things (not) being put on this blog, unless you want detailed coverage of my Hearts of Iron 2 campaign or, as a change of pace, how my cat decided to sing me the entire Meow Mix song at 8 AM.

With that said, I do expect to put in more entries when I find something worth updating about (such as the PPA not sucking (who am I kidding) or possibly me winning a Sundayment (meh, I average two of these a year so I've got 3 months left amIrite?).