So, yeah, I'm on a bit of a downswing recently. As always, I dropped money at the Borgata, first by blowing $2k in a supersat, then by blowing $10k in the main event. The supersat was memorable because I had about an average stack with 75 left. 57 paid. A total donk (keep in mind, my total lack of self-confidence, which you'll certainly see evidenced in the rest of this epic-length post, causes me not to throw the "d-word" around lightly) opens and I shove KK. Barely having me covered, he calls with AJ and rivers the ace of spades (ALWAYS THE FUCKING ACE OF SPADES) to bust me. If I knew he was going to call with AJ, I probably should have folded there; obviously, I had no idea how deep his donkitude ran. It's tough to make calls that actually cost you 5k in equity when the most you can win in a tournament is 8k, but he did it and I was the victim. Oh well.

The main event was more frustrating, because I felt like I played pretty poorly throughout, and thus I feel like I can blame myself for my downfall. I ran super ridiculous silly bazilly hot Day 1, set-over-setting one person, then flopping a set vs. Jeff Madsen's AA in a huge pot, ending the day with a top 10 chip stack. I ended Day 2 with about the same stack; this was frustrating, because I really played kind of passively when people played back at me (and they did this with astounding frequency for a live event!). I busted Day 3 on what amounted to a coinflip, about 20 short of the money. But there were too many spots I missed where I could have picked up chips, and at least two spots where I could have saved tons of chips (I made two hero calls that turned out to be wrong; once with 4th pair against an aggro player and once with top set when every draw got there on the river and the oldest nittiest person ever bet 2/3 pot into me). Oh well. One of these days I'll run Jamie Gold good in a live event, right? Right!

Online, I also feel like I'm playing terribly. I'm also running kind of bad as well, but that's certainly no excuse for how much money I've been spewing. Basically, I've gone on a 15 buyin downswing at 5-10 on full tilt, and it's crushing my soul. I am now without a doubt the donkey in those games, and it feels awful. I can only imagine the regulars in those games laughing at me as I sit down and the game forms around me, 5 people waiting for me to spew off a stack and then reload and spew off some more. Or, in the case of heads-up games, one person doing that. I'm doing everything wrong. I'm playing like a passive bitch in and out of position; I'm not thinking at all when I act, just mashing buttons and hoping some chips go my way, living in total fear of pushing into a big hand, and then doing so anyway (or making a hero call against an obvious better hand). It's like I'm only making haphazard guesses at my opponents' hands. I'm easily trapped, effortlessly bluffed, endlessly fooled.

I used to think I was good at poker, I used to think I was a winner. But I am still a lifetime loser at 5-10. I suppose I should stop playing there until I learn how not to suck at poker again, or at least until I game-select there. Or, just accept that I am not going to be a winner in tough cash games without some serious learning, or fewer tables, or something. Or, most importantly, just take some time before I make each decision. No more auto checking/betting/raising/folding. Not only does that lead to timing tells, it causes me to make the WRONG decision with astounding frequency.

I know this may sound harsh, but it's hard to walk the fine line between being honest with oneself about one's mistakes in the game and full-blown self-loathing. Right now I've crossed into the latter category, and I'm kind of freaking out about it. The funny thing is, it's not even a whole lot of money compared to what I could lose by running bad in one session of 25-50, but I freak out nonetheless. What a bitch I am; I should, in fact, be thankful that I am making these mistakes at 5-10, where I am ridiculously overrolled, than at stakes where playing this atrociously would really hurt me.

It's a pretty nasty cycle. I lose money, tilt, lose more money, whine about it to people, then hate myself for whining, then stay on tilt and predictably, lose more money, etc. I should stop it. Deep down somewhere I know I am successful at poker, and can continue to be in the future. But right now, I'll just wallow in booze and self-pity. At least it'll prevent me from playing in this state of mind!

On a positive note, I luckboxed my way into a seat in the Aussie Millions in January, and I also got 2nd in the 100r, so maybe I'm doing something right in tournaments (read: occasionally I run good enough to overcome my own ineptitude). Those scores, along with sweet sweet Cake Poker 10-20, basically turned a losing month into a breakeven one. But I should really be sticking to winning months, or something.

OK, enough rambling and whining, I'm going to talk about some more "pros." I'll see you all fuckers in Aruba.


Humberto Brenes: I played with Humberto late in Day 2 of the WSOP ME. I heard Lon and Norm say that he "normally plays good cards." That's the understatement of the fucking century. He isn't just a nit, he's the nittiest nit that ever nitted. He may seem playful with his "chark" and yelling, but when he opens a pot it's AK-AJ, 88+ ALWAYS. I fail to understand how he gets giant stacks in these events. Are people that willing to pay him off? Oh wait, it's a live tournament, so the answer is "yes."

Nick Frangos: Actually, I can't really comment much on his game, seeing as he was pretty short-stacked when I sat to his left deep in some event. He seemed nice enough; he even bothered to talk to me in a later tournament when we both went deep. I include him because he reminds me of an incident that reminds me why I really fuckin' hate playing live. Nick and I had a seat right near the rail, so obviously a bunch of railbirds were right up near us. One of these railbirds, as is often the case in a casino, had monster body odor. Not just regular funk, but a cloud of noxious chemicals, an odor resembling rotting sun-baked garbage mixed with fresh vomit and not-so-fresh diapers engulfing our table. Nick, to his credit, politely asked the floor to move the rail away from the table. When this didn't really remedy the situation, I got the feeling that he was about to sit out in protest of this odor. Thankfully, the table broke. Anyway, shower next time you go to a casino, whoever is reading this.

OK I'm sick of writing this and it's becoming rambly anyway. Maybe my next entry will be shorter and less full of self-hate. But probably not.

Wow, I'm a pretty big slacker when it comes to updating the blog. Of course, I've been traveling, so that explains some of it. So, I'll recap what's happened recently.

EPT Barcelona: I got there, got drunk, stayed hung over for two days or so. Luckily, I started the main event on Day 1B so the hangover was only a nuisance rather than an all-out incapacitating "I feel like grim death please kill me now" deal. I doubled up the second hand when my opponent thought bet-shoving the river with a 9-hi flush was a good idea on a AJTTK board (I had KK). Then, I blasted off most my stack shoving top-top into a set (I situation where I could often fold, because the guy was kind of a nit), ground it back up to average, and finally lost a flip for a 2.5x average pot. Whatever, AK is the nuts preflop for 50 BBs (especially against a Scandinavian).

A few days later, I played an 1100 euro tournament and got 6-outered for a big pot early on. Standard. I was also nervous as hell because my boy Adam Junglen was at the final table of the Main Event. About every time I got utg+1 I'd go over to the Main Event area and check up on Adam (besides, who wants to play UTG or UTG+1 at a 9-handed table anyway?). Big congrats to him for getting 6th, and congrats to Funkii for 3rd.

Amsterdam: This is one cool-ass city. I probably don't need to elaborate. Big thanks to Hein for putting me up here and showing me around town. Good times. I also ground out 10k or so hands 6-tabling 5-10 on FTP, and actually showed some profit while here! Maybe I am finally becoming non-horrible at non-cake cash games!

London: I'm heading to London later tonight to play the WSOP Europe. I don't know if I'm really going to play it, because a couple things have to work out. Specifically, I have to sell around 35% more of myself, as I wouldn't take a shot at 100/200 NL without some backing (unless it was the best game ever), so I probably shouldn't take a shot at a 20k tournament with 100% of my action. I also have to find a way to get 10k GBP in cash, hopefully there will be people willing to trade for online money. But from what I hear, it will be the softest $20k tournament around, so I should try to play it.



So yeah, over the course of the WSOP I played with some pros and celebrities. Here are my impressions of them, in no particular order:

Jennifer Tilly: Wow, she played pretty weird/spewy at my table in the $3k event. Most noticeably, she donked (i.e. called preflop from a blind, then bet out the flop) into multiple people waaaaay too light. For instance, 33 into 4 (!!!) people on something like a 668 flop.


Chris Ferguson: Seemed like a very, very good tournament player, albeit a tight one. Seemed to pick up on things and make reads. For instance, he jammed over a J. Tilly flop donkbet with a weakish flush draw on a KJx flop. I mean, she folds there so often that jamming is perfect (even though she actually had KJ for top 2 that couldn't hold up).


Greg "FBT" Mueller: I had played with him in Vancouver, where he berated me for squeezing light and spite-called me with 87s. Here I got moved to his table in the 3k event, where we both had decent stacks. He played position pretty well, almost never letting me see a flop in position if I opened his button or cutoff. He made a pretty borderline shove into me later on in that tournament to bust. I opened and Greg shoved A8o for not many BBs; he had no FE, so it presumably could have been a value shove, but my stack was also kind of at an awkward size for opening the pot, so my range has to be pretty narrow there.


Hoyt Corkins: Seemed super aggro, though I didn't play many hands with him (then again, it's live, so I didn't play many hands with anyone). I fired two barrels into him as a semi-bluff in position with a 6-hi flush draw (and I think a gutshot on the turn, too), and rivered the flush. I bet again, and he called again. I dunno what he had, but I probably cracked his top pair or something.


Clonie Gowen: I still giggle when I think about that one FTP chat where some railbird addressed her as "Clownie." I had earlier played with her in some Borgata $1k event where she two-outered some dude like 3 hands in, then eventually busted my shortstack. She seemed ok, I guess; fairly straightforward, though in our conversation she seemed to imply that she thought your "tournament life" had some intrinsic value (she didn't seem to play that way, though). This summer, in some $1500 tournament in the WSOP, she showed up at my table (Nath was also at this table, so it was obviously a fun table). She proceeded to get 2/3 of her stack in by the flop and fold to a shove. Nath and I exchanged a knowing glance, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud. Clownie indeed!


Jamie Gold: I got moved to his table near the bubble of the $1000 rebuy. I had just won a flip to get near the average stack, and then I won a big pot with AA vs. KK all-in preflop to get above average. As an aside, there's nothing quite as fun as this sequence:

1) Sitting down just in time to play the small blind, watching as UTG raises, MP 3-bets, and the button 4-bet shoves.

2) Thinking "how sweet would it be to look down at my cards and see aces here?"

3) Looking down at my cards and seeing aces.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Jamie Gold. He was spewy for sure! Made a bunch of funky cold-calls preflop, and sure loved to bluff postflop! For instance, I open the cutoff with JJ, Jamie cold-calls in the SB. Flop is something like Q72. He checks and I check behind (not because I'm really scared of a c/r, but because he has at most four outs here and will probably fire the turn and river with a ton of hands that would fold to a c-bet). He (quickly and silently, hello live tells) fires a 2/3 pot bet on the turn. I call. He does the same thing on the river. I think for about 3 seconds and call. Before I can table my hand he angrily mucks his two cards, and the pot gets shipped to me. He then proceeds to loudly swear at (or perhaps with) some woman who was sweating him.

A few hands later, I open A8s from some too-early position (by this point I had a top-5-in-the-whole-tournament stack, so I was trying to pound people as the bubble approached) and Jamie thinks for a little while and shoves from late position. As the action gets to me, and I'm counting the pot trying to see if the pot was laying enough to get me to call, Jamie starts talking. "Hey, cmon buddy, double me up. I really want a call here, I really do." So, I fold. He shows AA. Hooray for live tells (even though I probably give off more than I perceive).



I'll probably add more of these player impressions later, when I don't have to pack up and catch a train to London. Anyway, I'll leave with some words of tournament poker wisdom from 2pac: "I'd rather die like a man than live like a coward. There's a ghetto up in heaven and it's ours, BLACK POWER!" The last sentence doesn't really have anything to do with poker, I just like the way the way it sounds. I guess the first one didn't really have much to do with poker either, but it's a pretty good thing to keep in mind when playing a tournament. Given the choice between "dying like a man" (i.e. doing something like 3- or 4- or 5- betting because you KNOW HE CANNOT CALL and potentially busting out) and "living like a coward" (i.e. folding at any point EVER in ANY TOURNAMENT because folding is for PUSSIES and you're not a PUSSY are you?) I'll take the former every time. Because sometimes they fold and sometimes you suck out. You don't accumulate chips by folding.

Yeah.