Something inside me just snapped! Part 2.

by the102 on 12/13/08

Saturday, December 13, 2025

I get up around 7am yesterday and I’m so excited about getting out of the city for a few days. I pack up my stuff, throw it all in the car, plug my ipod in and Im away, stopping only once for petrol.

For pretty much all of the 3 hour trip I got my ‘phat beats’ blaring and I’m singing and dancing away (not very well … but it was fun!).

I get home to the folks house only to find that its pissing down rain and they’re in Albury (about 5 hours away) seeing my sister and I have no key!! After a few text messages I sort out a way to get in and find out that they’re on their way home and only about 3 hours away.

For the rest of the day I just relax, watch a dvd, have a few beers, have dinner with the family, play dad in a few heads up matches and then watch the FT of the WPT Bellagio 5 Diamond Classic on Fox, where Daniel spews about 6 million chips in about 5 hands and gets knocked out when he pushes K10o into Joe Hachems 44.

It was after this, when everyone else went to bed, that I was reading through some old journals and I found a piece that I had written about 18 months ago after I completely busted my entire bankroll of $20k and was trying to figure out how to get it back.

As I was reading through this piece entitled ‘My Story’, I started realising how similar my current situation is to my situation back then and how pathetic my life was then … I really took the term ’anti-social’ to a whole new level.

Now I’ve definitely made significant improvements in my social life since then, but I find that in my current mind-set, beliefs and work habits … I seem to attract an ’easy’ crowd … people who are kind of happy (well as happy as they’re ever going to be … you know what I mean) to be just drifting, without any real sense of purpose, no major goals, no real impovement in their lives etc … which is definitely NOT where I want to be.

Let me share ‘My Story’ with you and I’ll discuss this further ….

“My Story …

Im sitting down next to Albert Park lake right now as I write this ... thinking and pondering after an extremely bad 60 day, 20k losing streak!!

Now while I would like to say that it was the cards, the poker gods, all the donkeys that play online and just plain bad luck that were responsible for my losses … that just wouldn’t be true.

It was much more likely to be my impatience, my lack of discipline and my over-aggressive, over-compensating ego that were to blame. The exact opposite of what had allowed me to build my bankroll in the first place (sound familiar??)!!

You see I got to a point where all I wanted to do was play poker. I hated my job, I didn’t go out and do very much (other than work full-time), didn’t exercise, didn’t socialise very much and played pre-dominantly online (the most anti-social game on the planet!! … especially when you lose! … look out cat !!).

That scenario certainly wasn’t my intention when I first started out, but that’s where it got to!I started out with the best intentions: schedule my playing times, keep records of every session (which is one discipline I did manage to keep), review my playing sessions, eat properly, exercise regularly, get enough sleep before playing and schedule to take time off and do other things non-poker.

But the problem was I never actually had a plan. I might have scribbled a few notes here and there, but most of it was just in my head, so it only lasted a few weeks and then my life consisted of just poker, work, sleep and eat ... and in that order!!

But I did well. I managed to turn my $1000 initial investment into just over $20,000 in less than 6 months (also in the 6 months prior to this event, during 2006, I managed to win over $35k (actually it was $35,405) for over $20k profit ($21,611) playing part-time, mainly on paradise … back when it was good!!). But I took 2 months off work and spent it all over the summer ... it was then that I decided I could play poker as a seriously profitable hobby and so I started keeping records.

Now I don’t say this to impress you or to brag, but rather to let you know that I do know what I’m talking about and that I’m not just full of shit!

OK, now where were we? … that’s right … doing well!

But then something happened …

My ego decided that I was plenty good enough to just play poker. So I started finding excuses to leave work early, took weekends off to party and live like a rock-star, then pretty soon I was only working 5 hours a day, 4 days a week and then not at all. I decided I didn’t want to work anymore and I quit!

Now that was great! … for a while???

Great lifestyle: get up and do whatever I want, go to bed when I want, play when I want, party when I want etc.

Unfortunately the more freedom you have, the more your life costs and I luuurve spending money!!

I love going out for dinner and drinks, love going out on the weekends for breakfast, love trying out new places, love all-day Sunday sessions, love shopping for ‘stuff’ without having to worry about what things cost.

I soon found that my bankroll was being eaten up by my lifestyle, but it didn’t matter. I just needed to win one more tournament or have one more really good day on the cash tables and I would be back on top.

So … I started playing in bigger and bigger games and tourneys (games that I had previously been doing well in, but now had neither the bankroll nor the mind-set for), but now my impatience had really kicked in because I needed another win!

My ego kept telling me that I was much better than the donkeys that kept beating me and then I just got more and more frustrated and started blaming everything and everyone for my losses ….

Have you been there???

I blamed the donkeys for chasing me to the river with a gut-shot and hitting it. I blamed the other donkeys for calling with a middle pocket pair against a raise, a re-raise and an all-in and then hitting their trip 6’ on the flop. I blamed the poker sites for being so predictable. I blamed my computer chair for being so un-comfortable (now I was really getting desperate!). I blamed my stiff neck for being so sore. The list went on and on. But there was only one problem ….

I WASN’T ON IT!!

I had forgotten the simple disciplines that had allowed me to build my bankroll in the first place and pretty soon, as you can imagine, my $20k bankroll was reduced to ZERO bankroll and I was left alone to ponder what happened, go back to work, re-visit my playing journals and start again from scratch!”

The End

After reading through this story again and again and after my last few weeks and really after my last 10 years, I’ve decided that enough is enough of just being average. I’m not doing what I want to do, my life is not making me particularly happy and I really don’t see any reason for it to change in the future ... IF I DON’T CHANGE!!

Yes … I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, had my fair share of experiences and girls and drugs and drinking and parties, but I’m really not where I expected I would be at age 30 and I’m certainly not the person I want to be at age 30, therefore there needs to be a significant amount of change in my life, I need to figure my direction, my purpose, my goals and then take MASSIVE ACTION to make it so … and I ask you to come along for the journey?

What if you could wake up every single morning and feel 100% excited about the coming day?? What if you could wake up every single day and do whatever you want to do?? What if you could wake up every single day and be surrounded by people who are fun, exciting, smart, independent, motivated, energetic?? What if you could wake up every single day next to the woman (or man) of your dreams, who you could share your life and happiness with???

Now that is something to get excited about yes???? Thinking about these kinds of possibilities will keep you awake at night … at least that’s the way I feel about it!!

Wow, this post is already too long and I’m trying to be mindful of the fact that people will be reading this so I will continue in my next post with my plans for my brand new future … I do hope that at least a few of you will join me on this journey and at the very least I hope you’ve got some value from this story.

Please drop me a line and introduce yourself … jason@pokerfitgoup.com

Cheers,

Jason … the102

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