When Lee Nelson asked me to review his new book ‘Kill Everyone’ I got a little worried. I thought Lee was a nice guy, but I also thought that most of the poker literature out there was very sub par and despite Lee’s prolific success couldn’t be sure his would be any different. I didn’t want to offend the workings of a nice guy, but I also didn’t want to lie if I found the book off base or misguided. A few weeks later and I’ve now finished the book and am glad to say I don’t have to worry about offending anyone or lying. Also, let me clarify that I am not being paid to write this or given any real incentive to give a positive review (though I did get a free book out of it, so I guess if you want to be a nit about it I got paid.)

Lee Nelson and crew are entirely aware that in writing a book about tournament strategy they are treading in the shadow of Dan Harrington and his three tournament volumes ‘Harrington on Hold’em’. Are there moments of overlap? Well sure, as is the case with any informative poker literature, but Nelson and crew find ways to address some newer topics as well as some topics more thoroughly. I debated how to write this review, and writing it like some form of book report seems pointless and gratuitous. What seems more appropriate is to list off ideas covered in the book and how I felt they were addressed:

What did they cover well?

Stack Sizes: As I’ve written of before, I think the end all of tournament strategy lies in evaluation of stack sizes and their influence on the action. Nelson uses ‘CSI’, or chip status index, the stat that Harrington refers to as ‘M’. Nelson discusses what stack sizes are appropriate for raising what ranges of hands, and how ‘relevant stacks’ (what we online call ‘effective stacks’) are the determining factor in stack size decisions between multiple players. He also outlines numerous rules for what % of your stack you can play for with what holdings. My favorite part of this section is the ‘unexploitable resteal’ charts that list hand ranges next to CSI based on villains perceived range. He also addressed what Skalansky referred to as the ‘gap concept’ more thoroughly, discussing what calling vs raising ranges should be with again, more thorough charts.

Equilibrium Play: This concept, what most online players would likely call ‘unexploitable play’ delves into the idea of making plays that are mathematically optimal. The concept is first heavily detailed by looking at shoving ranges according to CSI. The section can seem mathematically esoteric, which is fine since Nelson doesn’t ask that you memorize the math, simply understand the math behind the ranges. To simplify everything Nelson and crew come up with what they call ‘The Power Number’ (PN), a straight forward equation that allows you to simplify the math behind push/fold situations and attain a high level of accuracy.

Prize Pools: Next Nelson and crew talk about prize pools and structures. One difficult aspect of tournament play is determining when cEV diverges from $EV. In order to address the topic Nelson pulls out the sit-n-go standby, ICM (Independent Chip Model.) Again, the reader is exposed to some fairly elaborate math, though luckily for those unaware the book provides the web address of a free ICM calculator. In this portion one of the more interesting aspects come up as the team addresses the idea of the ‘bubble factor’ and how the divergence of cEV and $EV can be calculated and how it affects pot odds situations in bubble scenarios. One highly interesting aspect of this tournament is the graphed bubble factors of both the 2006 WSOP ME and the Stars Sunday Million, giving the reader a visual representation of how bubble situations effect the $EV of their decisions.

Sit-N-Go play: The book also covers, and has special portions devoted to, Sit-N-Go play. Seeing as I haven’t done any serious SNG play in four years I feel fairly unqualified to address the topic in detail. Either way the book still addresses what is obviously the highly important aspects in detail; bubble play, equilibrium steals, stack relevance, and cEV as opposed to $EV.

Short Handed/Heads up Play: Here ‘Kill Everyone’ provides the best break down of the math behind short handed MTT situations I’ve seen so far. Short handed and heads up play in the real world is so often an ‘it depends/player dependant’ kind of situation. KE does it’s absolute best to take out the variables and provide relevant information to the kind of stack sizes you should be playing what kind of ranges against villains. On pages 179 through 188 are some excellent charts detailing what kind of hands should be called, folded, and reraised with in shorter stack situations. It’s as accurate a break down you’re going to get in a situation so cumbersome to discuss. The book then discusses more deep stacked play and the kind of hands we need to be playing and with what type of consistency we should be continuation betting.

Were there any omissions?

Two things stuck out at me as omissions that should make some material for perhaps a third book in the series.

A. Hand reading in post flop play: That’s not to say by any means that the book is devoid of this kind of information. On the contrary there are some example hands that Nelson has played where he breaks down his thought process, his reads on players, and explains why he takes the action he does with effectiveness. Also of relevance is the section on tell reading. However, reading hands in deeper stacked post flop situations (which is a highly complicated topic that is often more relevant in cash game strategy) still seems like a good topic to cover more thoroughly in future works.
B. Hand Exercises: As Harrington had for his volume three a work book or hand exercise section written by Nelson and crew would be of real use and getting some practice for the applications/ideas presented in the book would be a very good idea in my opinion.


Overall thoughts?

First of all let me say I really think this book is for people on the intermediate to advanced level. The math and terms in the book are likely a bit to esoteric for the inexperienced, so odds are they should start elsewhere, perhaps with Nelsons first book ‘Kill Phil’ or any other numerous publications for novices. Nelsons book reads like a meld of Skalansky and Harrington, very heavy on the math though with the application and explanation to understand how it’s relevant to the topics it’s evaluating the worth of. There are more charts and graphs than in your average math textbook, but all of them are useful. Can very advanced players learn something from this? I would say so, especially when it comes to having a very precise idea of shoving and reshoving ranges in a concise manner if you haven’t spend hours upon hours toying around with sit-n-go power tools. The book isn’t the easiest read of all time, but the information inside easily warrants that.

It’s a bit late for Christmas wishes but there’s something on my list that can only be got in January, a win in the upcoming Aussie Millions. I’m not talking about just the main event, I’m not quite that greedy, but a win in any event would really start 2008 off on a great note.

Despite everyone in poker thinking the WSOP is the most important series of tournaments of the year (and financially, it is) the most important for me on personal level is by far the Aussie Millions. I’ve got a long history with the series that goes a little something like this:

2005: I won an Aussie Millions package on party poker at the age of 20. It was my first time outside North America and I was automatically entered in the World Speed Poker Championship and main event. The speed poker tournament was run in a semi-shootout structure where at 36 players we broke to six tables of six where the winner advances. I got heads up in my semi final with Sweedish player Michael Thuritz who gave me a sick 15% swap deal (especially since he had chip lead and was much better player) and it was over in two hands. Michael went on to win and promptly hand me $15,000 AUD. In the main event I busted after about four hours and headed home thinking I had the brightest future in the world.

2006: After having a good summer 2005 I suddenly had a huge downswing in the latter part of the year. By the time Aussie Millions came around I had to mooch a stake off friends, and eventually entered my long term backing arrangement with Rob, which having recently been dissolved turned out very well for all parties involved. In the second event I played, a $1000 AUD NL tournament, I managed to make the final table and get half the chips in play with four left. I already covered what happened in my bad beats post sometime ago (I took four straight suck outs AIPF including KK<KQs) and ended up busting fourth, but I’d bailed myself out financially with the $19,200 cash. I didn’t end up playing the main event, as I didn’t have the money and my backing with Rob wasn’t for anything of that magnitude.

2007: I was hiding out in an apartment in Shanghai without internet due to an earthquake having been banned from Australia for three years. Great times.

2008: I can’t lose at live forever can I? Everyone’s coming down and it’s going to be a really awesome social time as well as having a fairly diverse tournament schedule, some of which has had a structure improvement thanks to my complaining.

Anyway, I haven’t been writing much lately. After Sydney I got home and my schedule was pretty messed up for a while, and I was playing very inconsistently and not well. After a week of this I told myself I needed to refocus and have since final tabled a number of tournaments with a few wins including taking down the Full Tilt 50/50 for $9550 the other night.

I did my math with Timex recently and it turns out I am now over $108,000 in make up. I feel like my live play has really gotten a lot better lately with considerably less spew so I think if I put in some volume I’ll be able to turn that around. I haven’t been playing much of the big stuff online for him since I’m often not up in time and on days I don’t sleep great I’ll never play the big tournaments. Still, as far as I know Timex is not unhappy with backing me and I think at this point whatever experience in the live arena he’s ‘paid for’ should get a good return over the long run. I’m very happy playing under Timex since he basically lets me play whatever I want (outside something insane like the $100,000 tournament during the Aussie Millions etc etc) and doesn’t apply any serious pressure to play things I’m not in the mood for. The 40% on my end is entirely reasonable, and since I just enjoy having the chance to play events all over the world I’m really not that bothered by the make up or anything like that. The Aussie Millions starts in three days, perhaps I can wipe it out all at once…

I tear through my luggage looking for my Melatonin. I could swear I packed, it, or was that Macau? Shit, I can’t remember. Without the sleep medication I know where my fate lies, staring at a computer screen at 5am with thoughts racing through my head, a brain to busy for sleep. After searching every piece of luggage, every small bag, and checking under the beds I give up and admit defeat, I’ve left the Melatonin behind. It’s 5:30am before I slip into unconsciousness, and I need to be up by 12.

I jolt awake at 9am in a cold sweat, despite the room being cool. I lie awake another half hour before I fall asleep again. The alarm goes off at 12:05, and I crawl out of bed and try to rub the red out of my eyes in the bathroom. I feel pretty good, but I know I’m still going to need some red bull.

I get to the table a few minutes before cards are in the air and find Van seated two on my right, the chip leader two on my left, and Carter Gill across the table from me. Blinds start at 1200/2400 with a 300 ante. We start with about 110 players left in the field, with 55 cashing for about $8000 AUD, first getting a cool million, and second 650k. I figure accounting for skill, experience, and my stack, I final table about 16% of the time in my current position.

Little happens for me at the beginning. I find AK three times, but every time I open it everyone passes. When I raise 44 and AJo in early position, I get three bet both times and lay them down. I watch the massive roller coaster ride that is Carter Gill’s stack, and the table is hurling insults at him for his erratic style. A few hands that earned his erratic image:

Carter makes it 5000 in the SB with KJcc. The BB (who has about 80k to Carters ~120k) makes it 15k. Carter four bet shoves, and the BB hero calls Ac8c. Flop J2J and it’s all over.

Carter raises to 6000 in LP with AsKh. The BB calls. Flop QT7 two spades. Check check. Turn 8s and BB bets 10000. Carter calls. River 3d, BB bets 25000, Carter calls. BB sheepishly turns over Kc8c, Carter mucks. BB unknowingly pulled off a value bet bluff Terrence Chan style.

With about ~175k Carter opens in MP1 to 6000 with AQo. Folds to button who with a shorter stack has moved in a couple times but now has ~125k after beating Carter with Kc8c. Button makes it ~25,000. Carter moves in and button calls with AKo. Flop QxQ and it’s all over.



When he gets up from the table the chip leader leans over to me and says

“You play online with him?”
”Yea we’ve played before.”

“He has no idea what he’s doing!”

Live players hate us online aggro donkeys, though Carter needs to adjust to their nit ranges better or he’s going to keep getting it in crushed. I finally get a chance to play a hand against him.



I haven’t seen a flop yet when the following comes up with Carter:

My stack: ~100k, Carter: ~300k, blinds 1200/2400 with 300 ante. I hold KsTh in BB.

Preflop: Folds to Carter in MP2, he opens to 6000, I call in the BB.

Flop: 6 7 8 rainbow

I check, he checks back.

Turn: 3

I fire 9000, he calls.

River: A

After seeing him call down with A high there’s no way I’m betting this river. I check and Carter tables 57s thinking I’ve rivered him. He’s way good.



The blinds go up to 1500/3000 and I steal the blinds from the lady on my left with A8o. My stack is hanging around ~100,000 when the following comes up:

8 handed. UTG+1 is the chip leader with about ~440k. He’s been pretty active and 3 bet me once. The cold caller is Carter who has ~300k. I hold QdQc in the BB.

Preflop: UTG folds, UTG+1 raises to 9500, 1 fold, Carter calls, folds to me. I consider my options and elect to make it 33,000, hoping the live player won’t realize I’ve committed myself and Carter might think I’m squeezing and do some kind of spewy resqueeze. UTG+1 thinks it over for about 30 seconds (meaning I know I’m way good) and elects to reraise, sliding a stack of yellows out that makes it about 110,000. Carter folds and I snap call. I table QQ and he tables AKo. First flip of the tournament for me.

Flop: K 6 2

Ruh Roh.

Turn: 3

River: 9

I react at the level of your average comatose. Van seems considerably more broken up than I do. I shake hands, wish everyone luck, and check in on Terrence and let him know his 2% is now unfortunately dead. If I’m going to bust out, busting in a totally standard spot where I got it in a little ahead verse a villain who did nothing wrong seems like a pretty decent way to do so.



A few hours later I’ve read the updates and find that Terrence has twice run into AA in big pots, slipping below 100,000. Still, I run like God in swaps, so I’m very confident Terrence will win and make me $20,000 AUD (XE.com puts that at about $1,483,982 US dollars.)



I’ve now slipped very well into six figure make up (It’s roughly in the $105,000 area) but have the Aussie Millions to look forward to in about three or four weeks. From what I understand a lot of my favorite online players and friends are coming down for the entire series so it should be a really fun one with a full schedule of cool events without the exhausting excess of the WSOP. Despite pathetic results in the APPT so far (0 for 7 in events so far, I crush these people) I feel like I’m playing much better live poker than a few months ago. After the Aussie Millions I’ve got to choose between going to LA for the LA poker classic and having the chance to visit people at home, or go to the Poker News Cup event in South Africa. I’m not sure which I’m leaning towards at this point but I’ve never been to Africa and I’m not sure how keen I am to hang around LA and have people tell me “I’ve forgot my mantra.”



Between now and then I need to do some serious online grinding as I’ve been really lazy in that department lately. I’ve also got the opportunity the write for a couple of different outlets (P5’s, PokerNews) and would like to start producing some quality work between playing. It sounds like the APPT will start up again sometime in what’s fall for Australia and spring for the States, and they are aiming at having seven or eight events. If their interested in sponsoring Bondgirl as a player I very well might end up going to all of them, though the thought of spending so much time on planes seems fairly exhausting. Still, I’m not going to say no to free accommodation and a chance for further public humiliation. I mean, everyone has to get their one time, right?

I settle into my seat for the $1600 6 max tournament. This is the prelim I look forward to the most, since it has a pretty solid structure and the field should of course be really soft. We start with an 8000 bank at 25/50 blinds with 40 minute levels, and antes kicking in on the second level. The table is mostly unfamiliar except for Mel Judah sitting in seat six, who’s a mostly tight and straight forward player. The older Asian guy on my right also seems vaguely familiar, and I know I played with him a long time ago, but I remember little about his style. I’m hoping to continue my non spewing tendencies, though with the temptation to run over the table at six max I’m making no promises.

My first interesting hand is a weird one:
Blinds 25/50. My stack ~7500. Villains stack ~7000. I hold A5o on the CO.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 150, 2 folds, Mel Judah calls in the BB.
Flop: A T 8 rainbow with a club
Mel checks and knowing he’ll never call me without an A I check back.
Turn: 2c
Mel checks, I fire 200, Mel calls.
River: Jc
Mel checks, I bet 325, and Mel calls. I confidently turn over A5 knowing I’ll take down the pot, until Mel tables 97 for a straight and tells me he was worried about the flush.

The player in seat one seems fairly aggressive and we’ve tangled in a few small pots back and forth. He’s also kind of loose and calls on draws loosely. He doesn’t seem good but he also doesn’t seem awful, and an hour in the following hand comes up:
My stack: ~6500, his stack: ~5500, blinds 50/100. I hold QJo on the button.
Preflop: Folds to HJ, HJ raises to 300, CO folds, I call on the button, SB folds, BB calls.
Flop: Qs Td 6s
Check, check, I bet 650, SB folds, HJ calls.
Flop: 7s
HJ checks, I check.
River: Jc
HJ checks, I fire 1100, HJ tanks for a while and folds.

The very next hand I play against the same player:
I hold AsJs on the HJ.
Preflop: 1 fold, I raise to 300, folds to BB, BB calls.
Flop: Ac 2s 4d
BB checks, I bet 400, BB calls.
Turn: 3s
He checks. I’m pretty sure if I double barrel here he’s going to make a lot of folds and if I get check raised it sucks pretty bad since I don’t think I can make him fold 3 bet jamming anything. I also think if he called without an A on the flop he’ll bluff the river a lot. I decide to check.
River: 5d
Damn it! He checks and I check back knowing he’s not folding. He tables ATo thinking he got rivered and I table my AJ. Mel Judah starts laughing and saying I really need to bet the turn to protect my hand.

Things stay fairly quiet for a while. I open a bit more hands than the rest of the table of course, since few players who often play full ring adjust to the six max well. I take down and lose some small pots with very little happening and my stack hovering around 6500. At 100/200 I find a hand to capitalize on my aggressive image with.
My stack: ~6500
Villain: ~7000
Blinds 100/200. I hold KsKc on the HJ.
Preflop: 1 fold, I raise to 525, folds to button, button reraises to 1200, folds back to me, I call.
Flop: 9h 6h 3h
I check (which is debatable in it’s own right, I should perhaps be leading large here and hoping he raises or so I have a turn jam set up) since I’m almost positive he’s going to bet. He bets 1500 and I move in. He thinks it over and folds.

A young and very aggressive player sits down on my direct left. He doesn’t seem good per say, but he’s very aggressive and having him on my left unable to hit a hand makes it difficult to take advantage. I raise a couple of times and he 3 bets, and from his current play he doesn’t seem like the type to fold too easily if I four bet light. The following hand comes up against him:
My stack: ~8000, his stack: ~10000, blinds 100/200. I hold Kd8c in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to me, I call 100, BB checks.
Flop: 9d 8c 5d
I check, he bets 300, I call.
Turn: Td
I check, he quickly bets 700 (I think there’s a very good chance I’m still good here let alone having the draw) and I call.
River: As
I check, he bets 2100. I think it over and fold.

The next hand comes up against the same aggressive player.
My stack: ~6500, his stack: ~11,000, blinds 100/200 with 25 ante. I hold A9o in the BB.
Preflop: Folds to me in the SB, I raise to 600, BB calls.
Flop: 2 4 5 rainbow
I bet 800, he quickly raises to 2800. I’m highly debating 3 bet jamming here but having put half my stack in I’m not sure I really have any fold equity. Considering how loose he’s playing I think that flop is certainly in his range, and instead elect to fold.

I pick on the tight players pre flop a little bit and pick up some small pots. I also hit top pair and get one street of value before villain folds and my stack climbs back to around 8000. Outside check shoving one time, I’ve actually been fairly tight with playing really big pots post flop. It’s with this image that the next hand comes up.
Blinds 100/200 with 25 ante. My stack: ~8000. BB ~14000. I hold 8h9h UTG.
Preflop: I raise to 550, folds to the BB, BB calls. BB is the aforementioned older Asian guy. I’ve gotten to watch him play for a while and he likes to use tiny little raises when he has a very big hand. He seems pretty tight pre flop, and kind of tight post flop, but very capable of making thinking folds. He got his chips when he flopped the nut flush and check min raised the flop, then villain tiny 3 bet, he min 4 bet, and villain 5 bet shoved a J high flush draw on an all spade board.
Flop: 6s 7s Jc
BB checks. I think about my bet and action. If BB check raises small I’ll call and give up on a turn I don’t hit. If he check raises medium I’ll jam since I don’t think there’s any two pair combinations in his range, he seems like the type to fold 67s here preflop. If he check raises big I’ll drop it. I fire 700 and BB check raises to 2100. I quickly jam my 8000 in and truly expect him to fold any top pair hand. BB quick calls and turns over 66.
Turn: 8
River: 2
That ends that.

I find some friends and we head to get lunch, settling on a Japanese place. I order the grilled Eel and everything seems fine. Later that night though, things would be nowhere close to fine. I suddenly find myself feeling sick to the stomach and rush to the bathroom. I quickly realize I’ve got food poisoning. All the usual suspects are there, some vomiting, diarrhea, and cramping so incredibly painful that you wish it’d just kill you so you could get to the eight circle of hell, find Jerry Falwell, and kick him in the groin already. Two hours later I stumble out of the bathroom exhausted, but still alive. Falwell will have to wait.

The next morning is the teams event which I agree to play with Bondgirl, but debate not bothering with since I’m still not feeling well. I decide to go for it anyway and end up running KK into AA that limped behind a limper. When Celina comes in with our next 3000 chips (at 50/100) she of course runs JJ into KK and AA. It’s a short day and I return to the room and take the rest of the day easy. I start feeling quite a bit better and try to get to bed early enough for the main event. Unfortunately somebody on the organizational side of things decided to schedule the first day of the main event at 10:30am, a truly insane hour for poker players and a start time I’ve never heard of before. Lucky for me I know that for the first 15 to 20 minutes they’ll waste time with species and presentations, so I don’t rock up until 10:50, just in time to listen to the end of a didgeridoo and drum presentation of some kind. Bond 1, wise ass organizers 0. Play is underway very shortly, and find myself seated across from new friend Terrence Chan. The table also contains Australian poker pro Nick Nicolaou, and an empty seat belonging to Mark Vos. How the fuck does this table happen?

The stacks start at 20,000 with 50/100 blinds and hour levels. For the entire first level I’m barely involved at all as my cards are crap and the table is too loose to get creative. I watch one player in seat 8 pull one of the worst river bluff raises on a two pair board I’ve ever seen, and the play is abysmal outside Nick and Terrence in general. My first interesting hand comes up during the second level.
My stack: ~20000, Nicolaou: ~25000, Seat 8: 14,000 MP1: ~20000
I hold 22 in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to UTG+2, UTG+2 raises to 600, MP1 calls, folds to me, I call, BB (Nicolaou) calls.

Flop: 2 7 T rainbow
Going into this tournament I felt like I fast play in live tournaments too much. I’ve decided to try a bit more of slow playing in spots that are appropriate. Having a set on a mostly uncoordinated no flush draw board seems like a good chance. I check, BB checks, UTG+2 bets 1100, MP1 folds, I call as Nicolaou has check raised quite a few flops, but he just calls.

Turn: Qc
I decide to use my relative position and lead out, hoping even if Nicolaou folds that UTG+1 will either go nuts with an over pair or will try another incredibly stupid big bluff. I bet 2600, BB folds and UTG+2 thinks it over before folding. Not sure if that line is better than leading flop or check raising flop.

The next hand again comes up against Nicolaou:
My stack: ~23000, Nicolaou: ~25000, MP: ~20000, I hold 66 on the button. Blinds 100/200.
Preflop Folds to MP2, MP2 calls 200, folds to me on button, I limp behind (I both limp and raise in these spots, but I actually think the implied with sets this early might make limping better than blowing out people pre flop) SB raises to 1050, BB folds, MP folds, I call.
Flop: T 5 3 rainbow
SB bets 1600, I call.
Turn: 5
SB thinks it over, fires 4150, I fold.

I’m pretty sure he’s not firing a second barrel too often without a hand there.

Things go fairly smooth for a while and I climb my stack to around 25,000 without any serious confrontations when the following comes up:
My stack: 25000, Button: ~9000, blinds 100/200. I hold 78o in the SB.
Preflop: Three limpers to me, I complete, BB checks.
Flop: Qd 7c 8d
I bet 800, folds to button, button raises to 2500. I look over at his stack and see he’s fairly short, then move in. He quickly calls and turns over QTo.
Turn: Q
I react with a slight wince. *Sigh*
River: X

I take a sizeable hit and after that things to continue to go wrong. I stay card dead and when I get to flops I end up having to check fold. The next hand goes down against a popular Australian actor (I had no idea at the time, but he was the good looking but hiding it behind a massive beard type so it makes sense) who is clearly playing the tournament recreationally. He seems weak passive so far.
My stack: ~13000, I hold Ac2c in the SB at 100/200
Preflop: 2 limpers, Actor in MP2 raises to 700, CO calls, button calls, I call (marginal or okay given amount of players?), BB folds, both limpers call.
Flop: Ah Tc 3h
I check, checks to actor, he bets 500, folds to me, I call, the rest fold.
Turn: 5d
I bet 1200, he calls.
River: 9
I check and he checks, then shows A7.

A round later I find myself involved again:
My stack: ~11,500, villains have me covered. I hold 99 UTG+1. The reraiser in this hand is kind of aggressive and obvious with what he’s trying to accomplish.
Preflop: I raise to 600, folds to button, button calls, SB makes it 1700. It’s 1100 more to me with what appears to be really good set odds and the button will almost always call. I call and button calls.
Flop: Q 8 5 rainbow
The SB leads 1500. I’ve seen him play another hand like this and after firing weak like this once he gave up. It sounds cliché but I seriously think he has AK here because so far when he’s had a bigger hand he’s been about protection. I’m almost positive I can beat SB, but I’m unsure about the player behind. I elect to call. The button min raises to 3000 and the SB insta folds. I fold as well. Not really sure about this hand and pre flop seems pretty thin.

We go on break and I tell Terrence (who’s also had a bad first two hours) “This is our level. Don’t you worry, we’re just gonna run like God now.” After we get back I lose a small pot and my stack slips to about ~7500 when the following comes up:
The villains in the hand are the actor (who is kind of statoinish) and one other poor player who is loose weak. I hold KQo in the BB with 100/200 blinds at 25 ante. Everyone has me covered.
Preflop: Folds to HJ, he limps, CO folds, button limps, SB calls, I check.
Flop: Qd Ts 3d
SB checks, I bet 800, HJ calls, button calls, SB folds.
Turn: 6c
With these two players I think it’s unlikely either has me beat. They could limp AQ pre flop, but they seem like the type that would raise the flop verse me. I think one has a draw and one has Q, though I’m sure the button could be slow playing a set or something. Either way vs two weak and stationy opponents I don’t think I can shut down. I fire 2500 and again both calls.
River: 3c
Can’t ask for a better card than that. I move in for my last 4150. The HJ calls and the button tanks before flashing a Q and folding.
“Same hand?” I ask and table my KQ.
“Nope, you got it.”
I drag a sizeable pot and get back in the game.

A few hands later I peak down at JdJc in MP1 with about 18k in my stack.
Preflop: UTG limps, folds to me, I raise to 800, folds to HJ, HJ calls, folds to UTG, UTG calls.
Flop: Td 8c 7d
UTG checks, I bet 1800, HJ calls, UTG folds.
Turn: Qd
I check, he checks back.
River: 7c
Nice card. I bet 3200 knowing live players pay off this line too much, and he calls down. I flip up JJ and he mucks.

A few hands later in the SB the following hand comes up. I hold J4o in the SB, everyone in the hand has 20k or more.
Preflop: Three limps to me (all of them bad players), I make a very loose (maybe bad?) complete, BB checks.
Flop: Js 7s 4s
I bet 1000, folds to button, button who has been really straight forward min raises to 2000. I tank, think it over, and fold.

Next comes one of the more interesting hands I’ve played. The player on my right is kind of fancy aggressive in a bad way and made bluffs in stupid spots. He showed me one of them after check raising me on the turn with a draw and I’d been waiting to snap him off. He’s also the player that sucked me out with QT. One other interesting piece of history is that in an earlier hand Terrence called a guys river bet in a pot controlled situation with KT high on a AJXXX board. The guy tapped the table, went to muck but instead decided to table his KQ. Terrence concedes the hand and I blurt “Really!?” then make a mental note to insta call anyone in that spot then look like I have the nuts if it comes to that.
My stack: ~25,000, his stack: ~18,000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante. I hold AsKh in MP1.
Preflop: UTG folds, UTG+1 limps, I raise to 1200, folds back to UTG+1, he calls.
Flop: Ts Tc 4s
He bets 2000, I call.
Turn: 7c
He checks, I check.
River: 7d
He bets 3000 and I insta call him. He looks at me meekly, pulls up his A8o for me to see, then mucks it. I hold on to my cards for a moment and ask the dealer
“Do I need to show here or since he mucked do I get the full pot without showing?”
“You may muck sir.”
I go to muck, but then Mark Vos (who just showed up, three hours late) decides to make things interesting.
“Dealer, I want to see his cards!”
“You’ll have to reveal your cards sir.”
”Alright Mark, just for you.”
I table the AKo and the guy on my right says nothing. I know he’s got to be pissed on the inside.

The very next hand the following comes up against the same player. I hold 99 and he’s now down to around ~12k.
Preflop: UTG limps, I raise to 1200, folds back to UTG, he calls.
Flop: 2 6 7 rainbow
UTG checks, I bet 2000, and he announces all in. I nanosecond fist pump insta call and flip up 99 like I’ve flopped a royal flush. Got you mother fucker! Then UTG flips up his TT and I feel stupid. How do these clowns…
Turn: 8
River: 5
Ship Ship Mcgipp! Mark Vos immediately tears into me for being a suck out artist fish (it should be known Mark and I have been friends for years, but yea he’s a total dick) and I get justice for the QT hand.

A round later I peek down at KK in the BB. I like where this is going.
My stack: ~35000, SB: ~14000, blinds 150/300 with 25 ante.
Preflop: Folds to SB, SB raises to 1000, I call.
Flop: 6c Jc 6d
SB bets 2000, I raise to 5000, SB thinks for 5 seconds and moves in. I insta call and he tables JTo giving him two outs.
Turn: K
That solves that. My stack soars to around 50,000.

Things continue going smoothly and our table is soon broken. I’m moved to Bondgirl’s table, as is Mark Vos. I’m sat next to Grant Levy (Grunter online) who says “You’re Bond18, I like your posts” as I sit down. Seated on his direct right is Raymond Rahme, hiding behind a massive 100k stack. Raymond is a very nice guy and a gentleman, whose WSOP third place is a testament to variance in multi table tournament poker. He really likes to open limp-call out of position and just keep calling post unless he crushes the board. My friend StevoL is in seat 10 and across the table is somewhat well known Australian pro Tino Lechich who plays as ‘maxypaxy’ online. He also has quite a few chips. My first hand comes up against Tino:
My stack: ~53000, Tino: ~62000, SB: ~20000 BB: ~15000, blinds 150/300, I have 22 on the button.
Preflop: Folds to Tino in MP1, Tino raises to 800, folds to me on button, I call, SB calls, BB calls.
Flop: Kd 2c 3h
SB checks, BB checks, Tino bets 2000, I call hoping one of the blinds decides top pair is the nuts and then Tino isolates, both blinds fold instead.
Turn: 8d
Tino checks, I bet 4500 (should be bit bigger, he either has a good K or better and is calling or isn’t), Tino calls.
River: 8c
Tino checks, I bet 10500, Tino calls and tables AA. He’s a thinking player, but I wonder how many BB’s he gets in if I raise that kind of flop? If it’s heads up I always do, but I wonder if it was correct with both blinds in?

Blinds move up to 200/400 with a 25 ante and things continue going well for me. Unfortunately Bondgirl gets busted out with QQ to Grant Levy’s AK all in pre flop, and Stevo soon goes out the exact same way. My stack continues climbing when the next hand comes up:
My stack: ~70000, Tino: ~45000, Button: ~25000, I hold 55 in MP2.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 1100, folds to button, button calls, SB folds, Tino calls in BB.
Flop: 7 J 5 rainbow
God I’m so good at poker. Tino checks, I bet 2500, button folds, Tino calls.
Turn: T
Tino checks, I fire 6000, Tino folds. No three streets this time.

The very next hand blinds go up and I raise my third straight hand. Villain in BB is new to table and has a big mess of chips that looks like ~70000. I hold AhQh in MP1.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 1400, folds to BB, BB calls.
Flop: Kh Ts 9s
BB checks. Online I check this back a fair bit since people CR with draws a lot or will call down lighter, but I think a K high flop in live needs a C bet almost always. I fire 2200, BB calls.
Turn: Qd
BB checks, I check.
River: 4c
BB bets 10,500 (WTF?) and I fold. BB looks very satisfied with himself.

The BB in that hand continues playing kind of spewy aggressive. At one point there are four limpers to him in the SB and he raises it to 4800, then shows Q2o when everyone folds and laughs to himself about how clever he is. I’ll get you, you smug son of a bitch.

I take down the blinds a few times at the 250/500 and little else happens. Blinds go up to 300/600 and I find myself involved in a pot with Raymond Rahme.
My stack: ~70000, Rahme: ~100000, CO: ~40000 I fold 55 in the BB
Preflop: Folds to CO, CO raises to 1800, Rahme calls on button, SB folds, I call.
Flop: 7 5 T rainbow
God I am so amazing good at poker if you could bottle it and sell it as a drink it should go for at least $5k a bottle. I check, CO checks, Rahme bets 4000, I check raise to 12000, CO folds, Rahme thinks about it and folds.

I of course get AA next hand (my third of the day at that point, there would be four) but get no takers. A round later I find myself in a pot with Rahme and Levy.
My stack: ~75000, Rahme: ~95000, Levy: ~90000, I hold 88 in the SB.
Preflop: Folds to Rahme on CO, he limps for 600, Levy raises to 2200, I call, BB folds, Rahme calls.
Flop: T 4 2
Now I do something I never do online, I lead. I know if anyone calls or raises me here live I’m gone, and I think with the way Levy plays and how loose he knows Rahme is he’ll check back if he whiffed a lot. Leading will also sometimes shut him down with better hands and get me to rivers easier. I bet 3600, Rahme folds, Levy calls.
Turn: A
I check, Levy bets 4000 (a weird bet I considered checkraising since I don’t see many A’s in his range on the flop) and I fold. Levy tells me he had JJ after the hand.

Blinds go up to 400/800 and I watch Levy and Rahme play a truly absurd hand. Both players are more than 100,000 deep at the start of this hand.
Preflop: Folds to Rahme in MP1, he raises to 2200, Levy calls behind, the rest fold.
Flop: Qs Js 7c
Rahme bets 3500. Levy raises to 10000, Rahme makes it 40000, Levy shoves. Rahme goes into the tank, and for some insane reason (Levy admitted later it was a really stupid thing to say) Levy blurts out “You know I’m not shoving on a draw mate” in a really honest tone. Rahme tanks, but elects to call anyway and tables AA. Levy of course has a set, JJ, and dodges an A to drag an incredibly absurd pot.

Two hands later, I find myself in a similar situation. The villain is the spewy aggressive player who raised a bunch of limpers with Q2o and outside that has been really aggro and using lots of big over bets.
My stack: ~78000, his stack: ~82000, I hold JJ UTG+2 at 400/800 with 100 ante.
Preflop: Folds to me, I raise to 2100, folds to button, button reraises to 6300, blinds fold, I call.
Flop: J 5 4 rainbow
Holy Jesus God I am so incredibly amazing at the game of poker that Patrick Antonious once set me an email saying “I wish I could be like you. Your biggest fan, Patrick.” I check and button fires a massive 17,500. The online player in me says shove, but the live player in me says “he just might fold, call, and let him do the work for you.” I call.
Turn: 6
Man, I almost want to lead that card, but there’s just no way in hell he pot controls this turn and he just might be spewy enough to bet AK again here. I check and within a few seconds the words come out of his mouth
“All i..”
”I CALL!”
“FUCK! NOT AGAAAAIN!” He screams and smashes his fist on the table before he even sees my cards. I try to contain my laughter from his hilarious outburst and table my JJ, which needs to dodge two outs from his KK.
River: 6
Boo yah. I am second in the tournament and the big stack is on my direct right.

I whip out my pen and write “Don’t Spew!” again on my hand in big letters. I play a sensible aggressive game and don’t open stupid cards out of position or try any fancy plays. Still, I do raise K4cc on the CO and the straight forward but kind of aggressive BB calls. When he bets a 383 flop I quickly raise what is clearly a bullshit bet, and after five seconds of thought he folds.

A new player is moved to the table and a hand comes up against him:
New guy: ~40000, CO: ~60000, Button: 35000, My stack: ~175000, I hold 9c7c in the BB, blinds 500/1000.
Preflop: Folds to new guy in MP1, he raises to 3200, folds to CO, CO calls, button calls, SB folds, I call.
Flop: Qh 7h 6d
It checks around.
Turn: 9h
I lead 8200, MP1 tanks, thinks it over, and calls, CO folds, button folds.
River: 2h
I check, MP1 looks very interested, bets 5500, and I fold to the most obvious value bet of all time.

For a long time things stay very quiet. I three bet an LP raiser at 600/1200 to 13200 with 87o after playing him very tight and he folds pre flop. Despite having position on the huge stack on my right, every time he enters a pot I seem to have 92o and simply. We in fact never seem to find an interesting spot to get involved. There’s a 30ish female player on my right, who is surprisingly aggressive for a female. One hand that let me know for sure she is very spewy went down as follows:
1k/2k level and UTG has 18k. He open shoves and a tight player UTG+1 reshoves for ~70k. The lady is behind in UTG+2 and starts babbling about what a tough decision and good hand she has. She has maybe 40k, thinks it over for a solid minute talking about what a good hand it is, then folds. After the hands are turned up, AQ, and AK, or something like that, she goes “Oooh! I was ahead, pocket threes!” She’s been raising in late position somewhat often and I have never 3 bet her. In fact I think she’s only seen me make one 3 bet her entire 3ish hours at the table.

At 1k/2k (the last round of the day, so I’m hoping people make tighter folds seeing day two so close) she opens on the CO to 5500. The button folds and I look down at 55 with about 160k in my stack. I look over at here stack and it looks to be about ~42k. The BB on my left also has ~40k. I reraise to 21k and the BB folds. She thinks for about ten seconds then declares all in, and I of course call. She tables TT.
Flop: A T T
Honestly now.
Turn: 5
Amusing
River: 8

I while later I begin wondering if since it’s live if I should just move in pre flop since live players perceive that as stronger. I turn to her and ask
“If I move in pre do you still call?”
”Yep I call. You over bet it, if you wanted a call you wouldn’t have made it that much. I had a pretty good read on ya!”
Indeed, pretty good read to get it in for 21 BB’s on the CO with TT vs a SB three bet. Pretty. Good. Read.

I rebuild my stack stealing some blinds and repair my stack to around ~125k. In the last 20 minutes of the day our table is broken and I’m moved to a new spot where I know nobody. One hand with about 10 minutes left I find 44 UTG and raise to 5400. It folds to some old nity looking guy with 150k who makes it 15k even. It folds back to me and I decide for 9600 more with 125kish effective and him always having KK/AA I have to call here and if I hit my set I’ll get a late night gift. I call.
Flop: 7 3 5
I check and nit instantly bets 30k. Agh, I fold.

The last hand of the night I find JJ in LP but nobody wants to decide I’m making a move and attack me.

When everything is said and done, I count up my chips and find I have 108,200. That’ll be about average going into day 2 where half the field cashes and 1 in 10 final tables. Here goes nothing…

In the Pocketfives justice system, all defendants are extremely guilty at the moment of accusation, but considerably more guilty after confession, after which they’re pretty much just hated on for a while. These are their stories.

*While the jury is in seclusion, the crowd chatters and mumbles about the events that have taken place. Some argue about what the interview will say, whether Imper1um should be banned, and whether it was acceptable to out Andy Mcleod. Judge Adam sits in the center looking exhausted, while Imper1um shifts nervously in his chair, sweating profusely. Bond18 stands up from his seat and begins to address Judge Adam*

Bond18: So uh, Judge Adam, with Andy Mcleod being banned and all does that mean he’s taken off the rankings? Like, do I become number 1 in Australia, by default and what not?

Judge Adam: Yes, I suppose so.

Bond18: Sweet! A whole continent! I can’t wait to call everyone I’ve ever met about this, boo yah!

Judge Adam: Uh, I really don’t think they’ll care.

Bond18: Oh yea? Just wait until they see the trophy I’m gonna build myself. *He walks out of his row and down the aisle towards the exit, pumping his fist in the air* DE-FAULT! DE-FAULT! DE-FAULT!

*Somewhere in the audience Timex puts his hands on his head in despair*
Timex: God, why did I back that fucking idiot?

*The jury reenters the courtroom from seclusion*
Judge Adam: Jury, have you reached a verdict?

Speaker: We have not your honor. We are at a deadlock.

Judge Adam: I see. This trial will be postponed until further evidence can be presented.

Inissint: Is that even allowed?

Judge Adam: Hey, just roll with me here okay? *He knocks his gavel* Court dismissed.

December 5th, 9:26pm, Pocketfives Courtroom
*Judge Adam knocks his gavel*
Judge Adam: I recall to order the case of the People vs Imper1um, 2007. Mr.
Yourtimeisup of the prosecution, it has come to my attention you have a highly pertinent witness?

Yourtimeisup: That’s right your honor. The prosecution calls poker journalist John Caldwell to the stand.

*John Caldwell walks confidently to the stand with a small recording device in hand. The bailiff comes over with a sheepish look on his face.*

Bailiff: Uh your honor, I seem to have lost our copy of Super System.

Judge Adam: You did what?

Bailiff: But it’s okay, I brought this copy of ‘Play Poker Like the Pro’s’ by Phil Hellmuth, so we’re good to go on right?

Judge Adam: You’re fired… and, upon further consideration, I’m also sentencing you to the death penalty for the desecration of this courtroom with your smut.

Bailiff: I understand completely sir. I’ll take myself out back and dig a hole.

He exits the room

Judge Adam: Mr. Yourtimeisup, you may continue.

Yourtimeisup: Mr. Caldwell, I understand you conducted an interview with the defendant.

John Caldwell: Well I’m not quite sure you can really call what I have here an interview.

Yourtimeisup: How do you mean?

John Caldwell: Well, I feel that this tape is pretty self explanatory. If it’s alright I’ll play this recording I have that Mr. Mizzi left me on my answering machine.

Yourtimeisup: Yes by all means.

John Caldwell: Clink this link to hear what Mr. Imper1um left on my answering machine:

Imper1um confession

Random in crowd: I KNEW IT! I KNEEEEW IT!
Random #2: FUCKING CHEATERS! I’M GONNA MAKE THREATENING PHONE CALLS TO THEIR PLACES OF WORK!
Random #3: BURN HIM! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!
*The headless corpse of BrSavage seems to shake violently for a brief moment.*

Inissint: What? You did it?

Imper1um: Yeeeeeea… sorry about that.

Inissint: From now on you tell me everything.

Judge Adam: Order! Order damn it! My lord that’s quite a stirring recording.

Yourtimeisup: Your honor, the prosecution has no further questions. As it’s recently come to my attention that we don’t rest after each witness, I guess I’ll just go sit my ass down. Your witness defense.

*Inissint walks to the center of the room, looks up at John Caldwell then pauses, and stands motionless and awkward for a moment before speaking*

Inissint: Man, I am so fucked. I really do rest this time.

Judge Adam: You may leave the stand Mr. Caldwell, thank you for your time. If that is all then at this time I will ask the jury to enter seclusion and decide on a on verdict.

The jury lines up and leaves the room, then returns after quite some time.

Judge Adam: Well that took longer than expected. Has the jury reached a verdict?

Speaker: We have your honor. We the jury, find the defendant, Imper1um, innocent on all charges.

*Judge Adam’s jaw drops as Imper1um leaps in the air, does a massive fist pump, then high fives a confused looking Inissint*

Yourtimeisup: What the fuck is this shit!?

Imper1um: Eat it bitches! I just value bet the jury!

Speaker: Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a Mercedes dealership to get to.
*The Jury stands and quickly exits the court room*

Inissint: You bribed them?

Imper1um: I might be wearing pajamas, but I’m sure as hell not poor.

Inissint: Wow. Well, let me just say, as a lawyer…I am so proud of you! You found a way to cut through the red tape, you’re a true symbol of the self made American dream.

Imper1um: I’m Canadian.

Inissint: Who gives a fuck, you guys are just America junior anyway. Conversely, I’ll be billing you in Canadian dollars then.

Imper1um: NOOOO! I’M BROKE! *He breaks down in tears* WHY GOD!? WHY!? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?

*Inissint drags a bawling Imper1um out of the courtroom, after which the stunned onlookers quietly shuffle out, leaving only Yourtimeisup and Judge Adam*

Judge Adam: You think we’ll ever hear from him again?

Yourtimeisup: Are you kidding? He’ll probably win a quarter million next week or something. Man all this shit is so stupid and pointless.

Judge Adam: Oh really?… Hmm, why haven’t I banned you yet?

Yourtimeisup: You know… I wonder that myself a lot.

THE END