I’ve written before how I consider people in terms of ‘realness’. That is, most people have a level of legitimacy to them. Often, players in the poker world struggle with the idea of dropping out of school or quitting their job, giving up that legitimacy. I’ve got less than a year left of credits to finish my theatre degree at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I’d like to get it done eventually, if only for the sake of having finished it, since the courses aren’t hard and I’ve already put 4 years into school. However, even after I finish it I see the chances of my going out and getting a job of some kind, be it in drama or otherwise, to be less than 0%.

I’ve been talking to a lot of young players lately, and have been fairly surprised to find that most of them don’t see themselves “just playing poker forever.” I always find this fairly surprising since, to me, poker is the sweetest occupation ever. It’s the ultimate form of capitalism with the invisible hand driving you to success which nobody else gets to share in or mooch off of. I work for nobody and nobody works for me. I make plenty of money, and the harder I work the more I get back, with some interference from variance. Never will I be subject to being an undervalued employee, underpaid, or ordered around by a useless or moronic boss.

I had five jobs or six jobs back in high school before the gambling bug bit me. At first I was a peanut guy at college football games, then a subway employee, then shoe salesman, then dishwasher, then host at a restaurant. I also did some judging work for my high school forensics team my freshman year of college but that doesn’t really count as a job per say. What I learned mostly from my stints in various occupations is that I hate working for other people and having some jackass who’s having a bad day decide to take it out on his employees because he spilled coffee on himself on the way to work or whatever bullshit excuse he or she wanted to be a dick that day.

A couple of those jobs weren’t so bad. What mostly determined whether it was miserable or tolerable ended up being the people I worked with. For example, the hardest and dirtiest work was at Subway and being a dishwasher at a restaurant called Morels, but most of the time the bosses were fair and my coworkers were fun so I didn’t hate it. Meanwhile, my fairly easy work as a shoe salesman at Finish Line and host at Damon’s entirely ruined my real world work ethic and willingness to take orders. Finish Line began my disillusionment with the working world and Damons managed to destroy it completely. When I found poker and gambling right after being fired from Damons suddenly something clicked in me; If I work really hard at this I can make enough money to never have to listen to anyone else’s bullshit ever again.

Most my current contemporaries are extremely smart and naturally gifted guys. Whenever I ask one what University they go to it always ends up coming back as something very prestigious with a major like ‘math’ or ‘statistics’ or ‘advanced super human computer in your brain statistical and analytical abilities’. Stuff like that. These guys seem to get very good at poker pretty quick, often at a very young age. Meanwhile, I’ve been playing for almost five years. At the start I was fed so much misinformation from books and guys who didn’t know what they were doing that my ability as a player was basically at a standstill for years. Eventually I found 2+2 and the elitist intellectual assholes that frequent the site eventually set me straight a little at a time about what I’m doing wrong. However, I have one huge advantage over the vast majority of the wunderkinds; I work so much harder. That’s not to say that any of them are lazy or undeserving, but the thought of working a real job again is enough motivation to keep me constantly seeking ways to improve with an obsession usually seen only in religious zealots.

The dream of course, is eventually hitting it so big that thinking about this all becomes irrelevant; the previously mentioned ‘big score.’ While many of my friends have hit that big score and handled it with subtlety and class, choosing to side step the spot light I just can’t see myself doing the same. I imagine if I did something like final table a major live event for some absurd sum of money I’d end up holding a huge “Celebrate Tony Making Bill Gates Look Poor” party where I wear a dollar bill suit and top hat smoking 3 cigars at once, standing at the door shouting at everyone to congratulate me before they are allowed entry. Then I’ll spend the rest of the party sitting in a thrown being carried around by four enormous body guards while I throw silver dollars at everyone and guzzle several magnums of champagne.

In my opinion, the sweetest part about hitting it big on the live scene is the potential for selling out. Signing a sponsorship deal with a poker site ought to be the goal of every clever minded poker player, as you get paid to do what you’d be doing anyway. Unfortunately, thanks to the hypocritical, sodomite legislators down in D.C., sponsorship for most US players is, at the moment, the impossible dream. However, anti-UIGEA legislation is gaining heavy ground and the idiot God Boys of the right wing have managed to back themselves into a corner against the WTO. An excellent article from Newsweek on this issue can be read here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20790111/site/newsweek/

The basic idea is that the US has lost in the WTO case over online gambling vs Antigua, and if they don’t comply by allowing online gaming back into the market then Antigua and numerous other countries that have faced losses can begin producing American entertainment and technology products at a fraction of the cost and legally sell them around the world. Hollywood and Silicon Valley are having a seizure at the thought of their products plummeting in value and are in the process of dispensing blood thirsty lobbyists to D.C. to hold a gun to various congressmen’s families. Good to see the system still works and that money still does truly make the world go round.

If all goes has hoped and the UIGEA is nothing but a memory within the next couple years, then the potential for sponsorship from a website for a young and upcoming US player increases enormously. People are slowly realizing that many of the established pros are either terrible at poker, terrible people, or both. That’s not to say there aren’t a few diamonds in the rough, guys with real talent who don’t explode at the misfortune of a three outer a la Phil Gordon. However, watching a few interviews from poker tournaments around the world makes it pretty clear that the majority of players tend to be either to dry or to eccentric for real marketability, though screaming and dancing every time you win a pot during the WSOP might be a good place to start.

I still find it kind of unfathomable that blogging exists. It seems unreal to me that when you put down in words the little bland intricacies of your life someone will glance over and say “now here’s someone I shall live vicariously through! Happy days!” Well, they probably won’t actually say ‘Happy Days!’, not out loud at least, but they just might think it. Fuckers.

It’s unfathomable in the same way that ‘The Sim’s’ video game became widely popular. I can just see that sales pitch in the development department at EA games;

“Okay guys I have the sickest idea ever for a video game. You see, you can create a person, and control their life. Like, you get to order them to do all the mundane little things like do the dishes, take out the trash, and go to work. It’ll be just like a person’s actual cripplingly monotonous life, but miniaturized!”

Odds are the company debated firing him but alternatively decided to shoot him and dump him in a river instead, hoping to reduce the overall level of human stupidity. Then somehow, the game got developed anyway, perhaps some animator got high on ecstasy and didn’t realize what he was doing. And then the game blew up and everyone loved it and they made 87 sequels and all the guys at EA games became as rich as Bill Gates and spent out their days living on a resort having sex with other peoples wives while on vacation. Pretty sure I read that somewhere.

So instead of everyone going out and living their lives in order to accomplish what they wanted to get done, they just had Sim John Jerkoff take care of it for them. John got the fancy house, the cool job, the big TV, and 8 girlfriends. You got a few hours mild amusement, a 6 dollar an hour job, and a C drive overstuffed with pornography. Or maybe I’m just annoyed for the way I spent my teenage years.

But I digress. Blogging seems weird to me because the people reading it probably have better things to do, and most bloggers can’t write. Much like the more I play poker the more I realize I suck at poker, the more I read and write the more I realize I totally fucking suck at writing, and that’s annoying. I’ve been reading Oscar Wilde lately, and that guy makes my writing look like it was created by a drunken lemur, though without all the blatant homosexual subtext.

About 95% of the time I write my blog or read someone else’s I just sit back and think “Jesus Christ that is so disgustingly self involved.” That’s the hard part. How do you write anything in this format without it coming off self absorbed and totally lame? I mean it’s supposed to be about you, so it seems unavoidable. Even harder is writing it with some wit and flair so when you look back on it you don’t. It’s easier when I’m playing live and can simply write up exactly what happened that day on the poker table then spice it up with a few curse words and insults. However, given that I won’t be playing any live poker for at least another month I’m forced to find other methods of creation.

Which is another thing annoying me. There is an absolute ton of good live poker going on right now in some great locations; London, Barcelona, Turks and Caicos, Aruba, Korea, all are having a tournament this month or next. Unfortunately, due Australia being in the ass end of the world, going to one of these tournaments is an enormous hassle. To get to any of these places, for one person (which would never happen due to girlfriend’s neediness) would be roughly $2000 in airfares, $1-2000 in hotel, and $1000 in additional expenses. Factor in an enormous jet lag and the fact that you have to spend 24 hours in planes and airports twice in ~two weeks and the prospect of doing one of these is suicide inducing. How I envy those in the states who can take a four hour flight to the Caribbean, or nine to Europe.

The possible Pacific region poker is looking less and less likely. All I’ve received about the Macau tournament is an email from a friend who doesn’t work in the industry, but there has been no official announcement of anything. Betfair was supposedly having their 5k tournament in Singapore again, and while a friend has said that the organizer from last year has confirmed it will happen, again there is no official announcement anywhere. Both these events were supposed to be in November, and as it is now late September I don’t like the chances of either happening. The Poker News Cup is coming up in October down the street here in Melbourne at Crown, but there’s really only two moderately interesting events involved, with the highest buy in $2500 AUD outside the “Bad Boys of Poker” event, which is a 10k AUD buy in ego tournament, where ten or twenty guys will put up the money to play a field with next to zero value. Sure a bunch of them won’t actually be good at poker, but none of them will really suck in the way your average tournament player will suck and anyone who really thought about why they were playing it could likely recognize it was simply for publicity or bragging rights sake.

After that I might go over to Adelaide in November since such little else is going on, and of course there’s the AAPT in Sydney in December. All of this in preparation for the Aussie Millions, which outside the WSOP is the most important series of tournaments or myself. Either way I need to play something to play soon because I’m running out of material here.

In the mean time I keep running like absolute god online except for Stars. I seem to make roughly two final tables a day and when I do it normally ends in a heads up match. I’ve got another four days to win a tournament on either Stars, UB, or Absolute (lol, I’m having fun picturing the seizure Adanthar is having over Absolute) in order to get another triple crown, and if I keep winning every time I get it in behind that’ll likely happen. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything interesting to write about, perhaps I’ll do something content heavy like the Nath review, but that seems kind of dull.

Perhaps I’ll do a WCOOP trip report and just break down the hands, but god that sounds so disgustingly boring. The WCOOP is of course a huge fucking annoyance in general because the events start at either 5 or 6:30am. I’ve just woken up now for the $530 PL Hold’em event, and even though I set my alarm for 6:25am, I awoke at 6:55am and realized the alarm must have gone off but I turned it off subconsciously and returned to sleep. I’m also feeling fairly sick because my girlfriends extended family had a to-do of some kind last night until 10pm way out in some suburb and my presence was required, despite nobody really speaking English. So obviously I didn’t get to sleep till 11pm and I feel like shit.

We ate out at an authentic Shanghaiese restaurant. In on evening I discovered I am without a doubt the most brilliant Shanhaiese cook on the planet because I know the recipe for every dish on the menu. I’ll even give you the secret:

Step 1: Select any meat you choose. Actual choice is irrelevant cause we’re about to fuck it up beyond recognition.
Step 2: Deep fry the living shit out of said meat.
Step 3: Choose any random selection of sauces. Pour roughly four bottles of selected sauce onto meat.
Step 4: Deep fry the living shit out of the sauce covered meat again. Throw some vegetables in there.
Step 5: Fin.

There you go, you can now go open your very own Shanghaiese restaurant and have a competition with Nobu as to which is worse. As for me, I’ve got donkaments to play. Hopefully something blog worthy happens.

Like most poker players I talk a fair bit of shit about my opponents. Some forums in 2+2 simply exist to spew hate, and the MTT world in general tends to breed a lot of insults. I imagine this is because peoples results and winnings are public, and the undeserving can win a ton of money in one lucky day while the superior players can go months or years without a truly big score. Some dickhead who wins the Sunday Million last week or last month or whatever, has made more in poker in one day than I have all year. That’s an annoying thing to think about.

Deserve is a difficult concept to grasp in poker, and in the end, you should probably just throw the idea away completely. It doesn’t matter how much you play, how hard you study, how many questions you ask, or who coaches you, in the end you are variances bitch, to abuse and toy with as it pleases.

Lilholdem, Pearljammer, Belowabove, GB2005, Phatcat, JohnnyBax, Tmay420, Lordhutty, Sheets, JOEYTHEB, Scarface_79, Gank, Wachovia, Scott Fischman, Comeonphish, I’ve talked trash about all of them at some time or another.

If forced to present a case in front of a jury, I doubt I could prove more than two or three on that list actually suck at poker, the rest were likely the result of watching them play one hand badly then deciding “well he must suck” and talking shit forever after. Then, somewhere in the last few days, it occurred to me; where the fuck do I get off? If there’s one thing probably everyone on that list has in common, it’s that they’ve likely made more money from poker than I have.

Seriously, if there was one player who I could talk endlessly about how bad he is, it’d be me. I fuck up so many times on a daily basis, often in important situations, that it’s unfathomable.

Recent examples? Heads up in the Tilt 30 rebuys yesterday the SB open shoved and I called off 15 BB’s with A3o vs a villain who had yet to open shove on me. Oh really? A3o, I wonder how that does against his range. Against his probable range I’m about 36%, if you widen it a few percentage points higher. Wow, well fucking done Bond18, you managed to play concise poker all the way to the end just so you could blow it at the most important EV situation.

Another one? How about getting deep in the stars 100 rebuys and with 19 left (18 paying) 3 betting an utg raiser with 55 on the button with both of us having top 5 stacks. Better yet, after UTG calls I shove a 368 flop about 1.3X over pot. I am of course snap called by 66 and bubble when I should have very likely final tabled. For as much as I bitch about running bad in the 100 rebuys if I’m going to play like that then it’s totally deserved.

Or how about calling down Apestyles on 3 streets with an A high board with 2nd pair in the heads up match for the 18k package to Australia? Three fucking streets of value I gave him with a 9.

Yet my favorite in recent examples of immense stupidity came on Sunday, when very deep in a large Stars 109 FO I check called off 60% of my stack on a JT545 board with A8 no draw and was promptly destroyed by KJ. Oh right, because every god damn donk on Stars is capable of firing two rounds and over half their stack on K high. Even if I catch him with a missed flush draw like A2-A8s I’m calling for a chop. Jesus Christ.

As a result of so much bad play recently, I’ve been spending more time reviewing and trying to slowly think through situations. I’m also trying to watch players a lot more closely, so instead of just deciding instantly that they must suck I actually know how they play.

However, results have been encouraging. In the last week I’ve probably won in the area of at least $25,000, maybe more after today. There’s been so many final tables it’s all starting to blend together. What I really need to do now is final table something meaningful though, as up to this point my biggest scores since getting back have been 12k from 2nd in the full tilt nightly $150, and 12k from winning the Bodog winners choice. Surely nice sums of money, but I’ve yet to really hit it huge since coming back to Melbourne. Part of that is the result of never really being up at the right hours on Sunday to play most of the majors, and part of that is never playing the $100 rebuys anymore and constantly failing in the Stars nightly $150. I came close in the Stars $1k last week Tuesday, but in the end had KK lose to AJo AIPF to finish a disappointing 9th.

When I won the Bodog package I was concerned I’d be forced to use the package as per their rules and conditions, but instead they funded the 12k into the account as I imagine third party registration is just too much trouble post UIGEA. So at least I have way more than enough bankroll to blow on my god awful play.

So today instead of doing my normal self absorbed and blabbering blog entry I decided to go with something with real content this time around. I’ve been talking to Nath a lot recently about either coaching me or swapping reviews back and forth, and decided to start on the 50 FO win he posted on 2+2 by creating a very comprehensive review. It’s about 75% done at this point, and tomorrow when I can finish it I’ll edit it and put up the rest. I think it should generate some good discussion. Here’s the link:

Nath hand history on Poker X Factor

And of course the review itself:

Hand 2: Is this a pretty standard call vs a lot of players or Belowabove specific? How deep are you making this call and how deep are you just folding. I’m def calling 86s here myself, not sure about 2 gapper.

Hand 9: Man I love this and its something I need to start doing. I think having a deceptive/wide range early for your 3 bets is key, as when someone like me 3 bets early in a tournament its pretty obvious to anyone slightly observant that in this situation my range would be like QQ+/AK. Would you do this against a lot of players or are you picking on EricW23 because he’s also a LAG tard and poor post flop.

Hand 12: Good, totally standard check/fold.

Hand 32: On an A high board with a guy who sees as many flops as EricW23 I think I’m C betting, though its obviously not perfect with AQ7 with a flush draw. Still, the fucker calls very very wide.

Hand 37: Same idea here, yea you could justify a C bet on A97 flop, but with the flush draw out and it being a little connected I don’t blame you for checking, especially with an aggressive image.

Hand 40: I like your check fold here after raising so many hands in the last round. If it was like T52 I could dig another C bet, but T84 is just coordinated enough that I like your c/f.

Hand 58: At 50/100, most peoples stacks are still moderately deep, so I prefer a full 3X. Obviously it’s a tiny thing to consider, but it’s just my preference.

Hand 87: What factors lead to this squeeze. I actually think it’s pretty good because we’re not at the stage of the tournament yet where
A. People expect it
B. The cold caller is a higher threat to have just called a big pair.

Hand 97: What factors lead to a complete here as opposed to a raise? It’s kind of a weird spot, if we had AJ we could raise+call pretty easy, or if he had like 14/15 BB’s we could raise call A9 probably. However, with his 24 BB’s he’s deep enough that if we raise A9o it’s really gross when he shoves, and it’s unknown whether this guy knows that restealing 24 BB’s without antes is usually not great, so he just might do it. Post flop looks good.

Hand 111: I honest think given your stack and position, this is likely a fold pre flop. Raising like 17 BB’s pre in EP is always tough, and with a hand like KQ that plays bad against peoples 3 betting ranges and a stack that makes post flop play super awkward. However, if this spot was a result of 4 people on the table being so short its not a decision to call, then I’m all for it.

Hand 125: 20 BB’s is likely the shortest stack I’m raising 44 there on. At like 13ish BB’s I might just shove. At like 14-19 in that position, I’d probably open fold. Do you think that’s to tight? I feel like with your playing style your going to get played back at a lot and raise/folding there is pretty detrimental to your stack and its going to end up happening to much for comfort. Thoughts?

Hand 148: Based on what I’ve seen people open shoving with 10-15 BB stacks in LP lately, I think this is good. However, if the guy jammed in first 3 positions for this amount, and he wasn’t a very aggressive player, I might let 77 go. I’m pretty sure you run into a range of 66-QQ/AQ/AK from earlier positions with most people. You wouldn’t think they’d open shove QQ at 15 BB’s, but so many shit players are just so terrified of playing a K/A high flop that they end up shoving.

Hand 176: Even though stacks are fairly good for check shoving on a flop, I don’t think you can profitably play J8s OOP with 20 BB stacks, especially from an MP1 raise. I mean maybe I could see calling JTs here with the intention of check shoving a ton of flops, but even still, I kind of feel like even that might be a spew, but I know J8s is.

Hand 186: Hmm, I’ve been thinking about this squeeze a fair bit. I know I’d like it better if they were both a few BB’s deeper since I feel like their both so short you’re almost always getting called from 1, sometimes 2 (I absolutely couldn’t believe you got 2 folds) but even if you get 1 call it might not be so bad considering J9dd plays pretty well against their range. I’d have to run some pokerstove numbers on it to be sure, but it’s close. I know for sure I’d like it better if you guys were all few BB’s deeper.

Hand 192: I really like your flop check here. Turn gets a lot closer since 3 flush hit and you don’t have one. I honestly don’t know what’s best on this turn, I think I’ll probably ask around about that one. Turn play is very likely my weakest street. Your thoughts on this hand overall?

Hand 193 and sort of general thought: I’ve had this discussion with many players and there seems to be no consensus. I tend to fall into the camp that Ajunglen taught me and overall I think it makes sense. With early position raises I like to go full 3X or close to in order to discourage OOP situations. In MP I bring it down to 2.7ish, in LP like 2.4 or 2.5ish. If the table is playing pretty tight or we start to get short handed I pull it down and standardize around 2.6. Overall however, I like going with the 3X in earlier positions, which seems contrary to what your doing here. You’re thoughts on that subject.

On to this hand specifically, what lead to your flop raise. I often like raising weak donk bets as well, but normally in HU or maybe 3 way pots. Here your raising against 4 players and the guy leading out is so short it just seems so unlikely to get a fold. However, that’s what happened here, so maybe you see something I don’t. What’s the thought process that lead to this play? Also, I think your flop raise size is really good.

Hand 195: Looks good, though again I go a full 3X to discourage OOP action.

Hand 211: After having entered so many of the last pots, unless this is a bubble I probably pass this time. However, seems like nobody is stopping you, so if you feel their going to keep letting you get away with it, then obviously go right ahead.

Hand 218: I basically 3 bet a min raise in LP whenever I see one if stacks will allow for it. However, this time you had a real hand, are you calling a shove from him? How much of calling a shove from him do you feel is based on your image?

Hand 229: I can’t decide on this flop whether betting something like 24k that commits them to play for their stack or just shoving is better. I don’t really know on a flop of this texture that one has more fold equity than the other, but sometimes people for some insane reason interpret a big overshove like that as an AK that doesn’t know what to do, so I probably end up betting a bit over pot, though I doubt it matters either way.

Hand 238: Are we getting the right price here? 14.6k with 8k to call, I think I pass but it’s pretty close.

Hand 250: Had this guy been limping enough that he’s going to c/f to you a ton post? If so then I’m all for this isolation, if this is his first open limp I probably let it go.

Hand 251: This all looks good to me, but if the flop is like 236 and doesn’t give an A a gut shot I’d fire. With board as it is, I feel we get check shoved on to much to make betting profitable.

Hand 267: I really don’t like this pre flop raise with these stacks. If you had 25 BB’s or more I could like it if the table was playing tight, but with things as they are at 18 BB’s I can’t possibly see this raise as profitable.

Hand 270: I’m pretty tempted to shove over this guys complete if I don’t think there’s a chance he’s completing with a lot of hands he’ll call with.

Hand 279: I like your line here post flop.

Hand 281: I absolutely love pre flop and on the flop here.

Hand 283: Flop C bet here is pretty borderline though by no means bad. What lead to this specific one?

Hand 291: I like a larger C bet here. The board is pretty drawy and a K/J is definitely in his range, plus a larger bet makes it more natural for him to check shove. I think like 18 or 20k here is optimal.

Hand 292: This second barrel has got to be close. A lot of his flop peeling range is an A, since most of the time a decent draw check shoves. Any particular reason this time you went with a second barrel?

Hand 315: This pre flop spot is tough. Stacks are way deep enough that we could 3 bet, the issue is that a total LAGtard like EricW23 will call us a ton and make us play ace rag OOP. I’m not sure about calling either, but considering how loose he is you’ve got to be ahead of his range. This is one of those weird spots where just calling OOP with suited Ax might be best, but I don’t know. This is another spot where I think I might ask a few others. I like post flop considering villain.

Hand 317: I’m a little surprised you elected a flat call here, though with the stacks I don’t blame you. However, the temptation to make it 60k here and make him play reraised pot OOP is pretty high, but stacks are of course gross if he 4 bets since it’d be getting it for 100 BB’s effective.

Hand 321: Looks good.

Hand 327: What’s your plan if he bets the flop?

Hand 331: I like your line post flop, what’s your plan if he bets turn, fold?

Hand 333: Jesus EricW23 is REALLY bad at poker.

Hand 336: Good call pre, standard i think. What's your cut off point for calling there?

Hand 337: Was this on final table bubble?

Hand 344: Yea i guess it's fine becuase only 1 player behind you as a good shoving stack, so i can dig this.

Hand 350: Very good play both pre and post. Once Jnelson checks (blegh check by AK) i think betting here is

really good since considering stack depth Jnelson leads like all his good hands and the BB can be coming

along with a huge range.

Hand 355: I like your squeeze size here, though i'm not sure i like the play in genereal because Eric is

such a retard station and your out of position with a hand that basically never flops well ever. I like your

flop C bet of course.

Hand 356: Even though Eric is a tard station, i think you went a hair big here, at 4.5X. I prolly make it

like 80k.

Hand 359: Man your PF raise is so sick small. I like playing in position and taking pots down cheap, but

this is even a bit small for me. I think lowest i'd go in MP is to like 23500. I guess overall though, if

they aren't stopping you enough, this might be optimal but if i had to guess, on most tables you'd need to

add a little.

Hand 364: Nice reraise size.

Hand 374: This all looks very good here. I think 3 betting is a little awkward here pre since you've done it

so much and 99 isn't really great in a huge pre pot, but plays very well post. Good flop bet of course.

Hand 375: Looks good post.

Hand 379: Meh, pre is close. I hate to let min raisers get away with it, but J7o is like absolute bottom of

your range you can call with here. I probably don't fire that Q turn, as the board is not bad for his range

plus has lots of draws, and he's a tard station who will call you with like, EVERYTHING there.

Hand 387: Standard.

Hand 389: Oh my god he's so bad at poker it's unreal.

Hand 398: Oh my god check call OOP with GS i can't believe this guy has ever cashed a donkament ever it's

tilting me watching this.

Hand 402: C betting this seems pretty close. I'm not sure whether betting or checking is better. Thoughts

here?

Hand 405: I like it the whole way through, though i probably full 3X raise this pre.

hand 406: Perfect, the whole way through, and absolutely HILARIOUS by Erick.

Hand 407: Love your pre flop 3 bet here, it looks so strong. I probably go just a little bit bigger, like

145k.

Hand 417: Wow, nice raise size on river. I probably end up going to like 160k to make sure i get a call, but

i think with your image making it this size is a really good play. Nh.

Hand 419: You guys are pretty damn deep and i never like getting called with Ax OOP, i go full 3X here pre.

I love the way you played this post.

Hand 423: Looks perfect pre+post.

Hand 426: I'm kind of tempted to find a C bet on this A high flop, it's close with the flush draw out.

Hand 427: I raise his complete here always. Looks great post, i don't see any reason to raise this flop

since you'll blow him off a lot of his range, much of which is bluffs.

Hand 431: Run better please.

Hand 433: I'm not sure if he's limping an A here much, i find it tempting to CR to 110k if he believes

you'll ever check an A.

Hand 434: You station you.

Hand 440: Good thin value bet on river, i might go a bit smaller though.

Hand 450: I complete.

Hand 458: There's very little he can be floating/drawing to on this flop. I think river call is a spew.

Hand 479: GG.

For some reason I was browsing pocket fives today. I encountered a thread which described Ram Vaswani slow rolling Action Jeff in London. Moderately famous online player Zpaceman came on and commented with the story posted below. After having read the Zpaceman story I felt inspired. The story was so completely over the top and absurd that I was left wanting more, more detail, more eloquence, a completeness to the story if you will. I decided that someone really ought to ghost write and elaborate on that story. So hey, why not me? I present to you, written in first person, The Zpaceman Venetian Story, ghostwritten by Bond18. Enjoy.

Here’s the original:
something could have happened at the table too.

i remember playing at the venetian in the summer, broken down to 3 tables i get moved to UTG at a new table and raise the first hand i'm dealt. it folds around to the button and this big fat older guy with terrible dress sense and the biggest stack at the table grumbles to himself then puts out a massive reraise - more than half my stack. i reluctantly folded AQ. later that orbit i'm in the BB with TT and he raises the button, i reraise, he grumbles to himself again and shoves all-in.

both times it really got under my skin the way he didnt even look at me, or give me any respect and just shoved me off my hands. a couple of orbits later he'd lost some of his chips to others at the table and i'd gained a few chips here and there. our stacks were nearly even. he's on the button again and raises my BB like he's done every fkn time. I peek at my cards and see AA.

it was part acting, but i just blew my top with him and started to rant "you've raised my blind every time, you re-raised my UTG the first hand i came to the table, you're giving me no respect, who do you think you are!!!? anyway i'm sick of this! no respect!" and I quickly stacked my chips all on top of each other real strong really smashing down on the stack and slammed the single stack into the pot

he insta-called with AQ and i totally crippled him, but i was so hot from his behaviour (including his continued lack of respect to insta-call me with AQ) that i couldn't stop ranting at him. i bust him 2 hands later and berated him all the way to the rail, telling him to enjoy his vacation and stop trying to play with the pros, blah, blah, blah.

in hindsight it was wrong, it was classless, but i just hated the guy for everything he'd done to me, his image, his mannerisms, etc...

knowing AJ's rep it would be easy to see how he might have irritated ram in a similar manner.

And here is my elaborated story:


…As I settle into my new table I scan my new set of adversaries. The table is not unlike most Las Vegas tournament line ups, a number of tourists, a couple younger semi professional looking types, and of course the occasional world class hot shot, a position at this table that was vacant up until my arrival. I peer down at my first hand and am elated to find a hand befitting a player of my excellence, AQ UTG. I make a standard 3X raise and watch as the table folds around to the button.

The seat in question is occupied by a copulate and grotesque looking man wearing shorts and an “I heart NASCAR” T-shirt. He looks disheveled and disorganized, with the massive stack in front of him sitting in moderate disarray. Clearly he had not spent the same 3 hours I had that morning perfectly everything aesthetic detail of my appearance.

From spending 30 minutes arranging every follicle of hair to laying out a number of clothing combinations on the bed and creating a list of the pros and cons to each, I certainly had it going on today. After thorough consideration I had settled with a teal button up shirt from Prada, with designer faded jeans to match. I elected to go with a pair of brown Gucci loafers, resulting in a Euro trash ensemble that my idol Patrick Bateman could truly appreciate. But I digress from the action.

The aforementioned oaf on the button sits in contemplation, then lets out a queer grunt like noise and slams a mass of chips onto the table, totaling over half my stack. The blinds fold and I stare at him only briefly, but then am forced to look away. My god, how could anyone be so apathetic about their appearance?! And who does he think he is reraising me? I take a last longing look at my AQ, and reluctantly fold. This offense shall not be forgotten.

Only moments later I find myself again in engaged with the oaf. He enters the pot raising on the button, and sitting with TT in the BB I quickly and proudly 3 bet him. Again the man begins grumbling, then slides his entire stack into the middle! Of course I am forced to fold, as no player on the button would ever risk his entire stack verse a BB reraise with a hand worse than TT, but I must say I am very nearly at the end of my patience with this nuisance. This man is clearly attempting to get under my skin and has taken some offense to my presence, perhaps the half bottle of cologne I showered with has become bothersome to him? Who knows, but now, it’s personal. Nobody shows me that lack of respect and gets away with it!

A few orbits later my Machiavellian plot finally comes to fruition. Sitting with AA in the BB it folds to the oaf on the button who but of course, raises my BB again. Now it was time to lay the trap with a ploy no poker player would ever see coming, acting!

“You sir! You’ve raised my blind every single god damn round! Do you think I’m going to just sit here and let you get away with this travesty!? Well no way, no FUCKING way! Do you know who I am you fat ass piece of crap?!”
”No, I don’t”
”Well you fucking ought to! My face doesn’t look familiar? No? On the cover of cardrunners perhaps!? HUH? THAT’S RIGHT! THIS IS Z FUCKING SPACEMAN YOU’RE FUCKING WITH!! I’M THE MOST AWESOME FUCKING POKER PLAYER SINCE STU UNGAR! I’M SO FUCKING AWESOME THAT I MASTURBATE IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR TO MYSELF EVERY NIGHT! NOBODY DISRESPECTS ME LIKE THAT! I’M ALL FUCKING IN!!!”

And with that I smash my entire stack of chips into the middle. Of course, after the vicious verbal ass kicking I gave my opponent, he couldn’t call fast enough with his AQ.

“HA! I tricked you! I knew you’d fall for it! Behold, I have pocket aces!! HAHAHA take that you stupid fat fuck! I have bested you!”
“Sir, I don’t see how your shouting or insults are necessary, I was just playing my cards.”
“Playing your cards!? That’s not all you were doing, you were showing me a lack of respect! NOBODY DISRESPECTS ZPACEMAN AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! NOT YOU, NOT YOURTIMEISUP, NOT ANYONE!”

The dealer fails to produce two miraculous queens for my opponent and he’s now crippled, sitting with a disappointed and defeated look on his face. A few hands later, I completed my decimation of him and knocked him out completely. As he was heading to the rail I gave him a parting shot.

“Hey Fatty now you’ve got some time to go get a gym membership! Enjoy your vacation and stop messing with the pro’s, and remember NOBODY DISRESPECTS ZPACEMAN! DON’T WASTE MY MOTHER FUCKING TIME!!!”

So ended my encounter with the oaf. Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have to tell stories for now, I’ve got a hot date with my mirror.